Have I fallen for a seasoned player?
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| Fri, 04-02-2004 - 8:48am |
My friends said he would probably never ask me out because of the intimidation of the workplace, so I took the iniatitve and asked him over for dinner. It went really well. A few weeks later he asks me out to a fancy dinner, as a "thank you" for helping him so much on his thesis research. He made up this cute invitation by power point slide, picked me up at my house, open the car doors for me, seated me, the whole 9 yards.
A few days after our "big" date, we see eachother at his graduation ceremony. I congratulate him afterwards. He asks "what are you doing tonight?" and I stupidly respond "probably sleep". We talk for a little more and not wanting to hang around too long as his friends were with him, I say "I'll let you go." So he says he will call me before he takes off for vacation. In fact, he said it twice during our conversation. Now it's been over a week and no call. I assume he's left. I'm just really hurt.
Things were really taking off so I don't understand what went wrong. My friend says maybe he was never seriously interested and is just a player, because he's a well off, nice looking 40 year old Bachelor. But part of me thinks he is somewhat shy.
Thoughts?

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but i dont think hes a player. his actions on your date could have been meerly those of a true gentlman. maybe give him a call and see whats going on
It's a free country - after only two dates he has no obligation to you nor did he promise to be your boyfriend, etc. - you took the chance and it didn't work out. Get over it and maybe think about whether it is effective to be the pursuer in the beginning the next time you meet someone you like. My guess is he is not shy - he planned a whole evening and spoke to you - he just is not that into you - that is life and it has happened to all of us including me. To call him a player and get all negative about men is counterproductive - why not just accept that not everyone is going to feel a spark for you?
We have been friends for 7 months, you think by then he would have known if he was interested or not, and not lead me on with some romantic dinner date. Then say he will call, and doesn't. He did not have to say he's going to call, he could have ended things with "have a good night" or something vague like "see you later". I wasn't even fishing for us to get together.
If he comes around again, I'm going to go crazy!
Would it have been nice for him to follow through - of course - does it make him a player because he decided not to tell you he wasn't interested and let his silence do the work - no, definitely not in this case, IMHO.
One of the reasons he never asked me out first was because I work on a military base and sexual harrasment is a huge issue. My co-workers told me he probably would never ask me out because of this issue. Maybe that's just an excuse, but I don't think he would have accepted my dates, and called me at the end of the first date telling me he had such a good time and give me his phone number. It's like he throws me bread crumbs but never gives me the slice of bread! :)
But enough excuses, I just have to let it go!
** Sometimes he left me little gifts. **
- This does not mean he is interested in a relationship. These could be tokens of thanks for your efforts. I have sent flowers and chocolates to female customers as thank-you tokens.
** he asks me out to a fancy dinner, as a "thank you" for helping him so much on his thesis research.**
- This is not a date or a relationship driven date. He clearly stated the purpose of the dinner is a thank you dinner.
** picked me up at my house, open the car doors for me, seated me, the whole 9 yards. **
- So.... He was showing common gentleman courtesy. I do this a lot too - even with my female customers with the exception of picking them up at their homes, especially if there is a lot of gratitude on my behalf for their efforts.
Given that his priority focus over the past while has been completing his research & thesis this means that you were not a priority focus for him. He may be sensing that you see this interaction as a set of dates with an interest level & expectation level well beyond his. See what happens upon his return from vacation since he has had the time to unwind and relax from his thesis priority.
ps. I'm an over-40 male.
Not to mention the phoning on Valentines Day evening and talking for over an hour, not about work.
Or coming back to a woman's office to say she looked really pretty that day and to say Hi. Nothing work related.
Sending me poems and making me a CD of poetry BEFORE I started helping him with his thesis.
Or the way he looks at me.
I agree this doesn't mean he wants a relationship, wholeheartedly, but it is more than friendly interaction.
I will wait and see when he gets back what will aspire, I guess I'm just so upset because I like him, and the minute I think it's over and he's not interested, he comes around again. That is what is so frustrating.
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