Opinions needed, Guys opinions as well!
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Opinions needed, Guys opinions as well!
| Sun, 04-04-2004 - 11:04am |
Hi. I posted this on another thread also in a different category, but I'm not sure exaclty where it fits in, so I'll place it here as well. I am looking for some unbiased opinions and thoughts, so please share!
I have known this guy for about 3 years. In the beginning we "dated" but it was more like sex friends. That was fine for both of us, as I was going thru a nasty divorce and wasn't ready for anything else anyway. But he was a very good friend to me and very supportive of me thru the whole thing. Then, about 3 months into it, I became pregnant with his child. I panicked, as I was still divorcing, and was afraid of what would happen if the friend found out. SO, I didn't tell him, and opted for an abortion (not something I'm happy about). As time went on, he found out thru a friend anyway. We did talk about it and come to an understanding. He was very kind thru that whole thing too. We only see eachother once every six months or so, because of other things going on in our lives, and we know when we see eachother what it will lead to.
Well, the other night we saw eachother and this time he professed that he really likes me and wants to try moving us forward in a relationship. 2 things...1, he knows I have a boyfriend right now (although my heart is with him, not the boyfriend), and 2, WHY now??? And how do I know he's serious about this, not just playing around and wanting sex again???
The things he said seemed very genuine and sincere, and he said he was glad to have said all the things he was thinking for so long. But if this is really what he wants, WHY couldn't he have brought this up a few weeks ago?
Being that he is not a very emotionally open person anyway, how do I know how serious he REALLY is? Since that night, he has called me because he wanted to see me, and said that he will call me again tonight so we can get together. So how long will it be before I'm secure in this to KNOW that he is serious? After our history of a casual relationship, I'm having a hard time believing that he could really want this (probably because I want this so much!) Sometimes I get the feeling that to him this is still just sexual and for "fun". And sometimes I get the feeling that I'm imposing on his life, even though he asks me to be involved. Is it just my paranoia because I care about him so much?
Any words?
I have known this guy for about 3 years. In the beginning we "dated" but it was more like sex friends. That was fine for both of us, as I was going thru a nasty divorce and wasn't ready for anything else anyway. But he was a very good friend to me and very supportive of me thru the whole thing. Then, about 3 months into it, I became pregnant with his child. I panicked, as I was still divorcing, and was afraid of what would happen if the friend found out. SO, I didn't tell him, and opted for an abortion (not something I'm happy about). As time went on, he found out thru a friend anyway. We did talk about it and come to an understanding. He was very kind thru that whole thing too. We only see eachother once every six months or so, because of other things going on in our lives, and we know when we see eachother what it will lead to.
Well, the other night we saw eachother and this time he professed that he really likes me and wants to try moving us forward in a relationship. 2 things...1, he knows I have a boyfriend right now (although my heart is with him, not the boyfriend), and 2, WHY now??? And how do I know he's serious about this, not just playing around and wanting sex again???
The things he said seemed very genuine and sincere, and he said he was glad to have said all the things he was thinking for so long. But if this is really what he wants, WHY couldn't he have brought this up a few weeks ago?
Being that he is not a very emotionally open person anyway, how do I know how serious he REALLY is? Since that night, he has called me because he wanted to see me, and said that he will call me again tonight so we can get together. So how long will it be before I'm secure in this to KNOW that he is serious? After our history of a casual relationship, I'm having a hard time believing that he could really want this (probably because I want this so much!) Sometimes I get the feeling that to him this is still just sexual and for "fun". And sometimes I get the feeling that I'm imposing on his life, even though he asks me to be involved. Is it just my paranoia because I care about him so much?
Any words?

You have broken up with your bf, I hope?
Hello megdf, welcome to the board! Don't worry about where you post, anywhere is fine here...
Well... this is an interesting one... You kinda sorta started in the middle and are working your way out... If I am understanding you, you began this relationship while still married (even though going through a divorce) and after the divorce you began a relationship with another man (not this one) but yet this man has been in your life all along...
First of all, if you intend to pursue a relationship with this man, get out of the one with your present boyfriend first. Be free to enter into a relationship.
Secondly, it is possible that this man didn't tell you of his feelings before due to the marriage/relationship you were in at the time... but, having sex with you with no commitment was safe for him... he knew that you couldn't make a commitment at that time. Now, the picture has changed and he sees that you are going on with your life (with another boyfriend) and he has decided that he had better tell you how he feels.
Is he sincere? Only he knows but, as deena and Sheri always say... watch his actions as well as listening to his words. If they seem to say the same thing you are fairly certain he is sincere. If not... be wary.
tg