a new guy and what he means by this..

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2004
a new guy and what he means by this..
3
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 3:48am


I am having a hard time deciding what to do or say to this man I am having sex with, because I don't know how he feels, and I don't want to jump to conclusions by asking him.

If you are having sex with someone, and they say and do these things, what would be your take on them???

1)Said he really looks forward to seeing me on this certain day that we would see each other(before we even started to have sex)

2)Asked what was up with me and my ex

3)Said "I bet YOU want to have babies soon" as he puts his hand on my arm(in front of others)

4)I had to get a tooth pulled awhile ago, and he asked why I didn't go on his dental plan

5)when I said evenings are best for me when we were first hooking up, he says in a sarcastic but light tone "Why, so you can spend the day with your other boyfriend?"

6)Grabbed my hand and held it(in public)

7)Kisses me sooo much during sex, looks into my eyes and just keeps kissing me

8)I had to leave his place early one night, and when I said I had to go, he pulled me tighter and told me to wait until the morning(at this point we were falling asleep)

9)Cuddles alot after sex

10)Mentions little things about the future, like-taking me to this island he goes to,taking me on a date sometime when he can get away from his business; asked "what are you going to wear on the back of my bike if you sell me your leather jacket?"



Hopefully someone can give me some insight...I feel like a kid again wondering what the boy is thinking!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:36am
I think he's interested in more than just sex. He is giving you all the hints to tell you he wants more. He's probably wondering if you like him for more. So try to give him some hints that you do want more or just come right out and ask him where things are going between you two. I think by what your saying he's really interested just to scared of rejection. If you don't throw him a hint or something he might move on,don't lose out on your chance. I have been in your shoes before but I waited until it was to late,by then he had found someone new that he new wanted to settle down. Good Luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:50am
If he is having sex with you but is not exclusive with you and committed to you, then it doesn't really matter what he says - he sees this as casual sex and he sees you as someone who is content with having casual sex with him. It's like this - there is no need to overanalyze what he says about the future or whether he holds your hand in public or recommends his dental plan - if you want to know if he sees you as having potential for an exclusive relationhip with him, ask him just that simple question - but don't be surprised if he is confused - typically a woman who wants an exclusive relationship will have this discussion before having sex so she protects her heart. You chose not to - and that's fine - but now you are feeling attached and trying to read into his words and actions that he is into you - but at the same time you refuse to ask him where you stand. Has he told you he loves you in a sincere and caring way? I have had many men talk of future plans early on in relationships - a trip to paris, our wedding, going antiquing in the spring, spending future holidays with his family, having a baby with me - I turn a deaf ear to most of it other than a little smile - until we are exclusive, committed, dating several months and he says he loves me, all of that is cute and flattering but mostly irrelevant. The examples I gave you never turned into serious relationships.

I think you are treating yourself shabbily by letting this man inside your body without any commitment when you so obviously want one with him. Have the conversation and be prepared to walk if he is not into you enough to be committed to you (or stop having sex)

and please use excellent birth control since he is probably sleeping with others right now and probably has slept with others in the recent past.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:53am
I think a man who was serious minded: (1) probably would not have sex until he talked with her about his future goals because he wouldn't want to have sex too soon and risk hampering the getting to know you phase - which should take at least a few months; (2) would want to shout it from the rooftops if he thought she was the one. In the example you gave my guess is that the new woman didn't have sex with him right away and he preferred to be committed to someone who he wanted to wait for and who wanted to be in an exclusive relationship before having sex. In addition he likely would have never given up on you without telling you directly he wanted something exclusive and giving up only if you said absolutely not - he would not rely on you getting the message/getting signs and "give up" based on your reactions without giving it his best shot - unless he was not that into you. Every man who has been that into me has made the effort to find out exactly how i felt through a very direct conversation.


Edited 4/5/2004 8:56 am ET ET by deena37