should I end my 2 year infatuation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
should I end my 2 year infatuation?
10
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 5:52am
I desperately need a guy's feedback on this issue (a woman's too) :

I've been head over heels for this guy at my college for the past 2 years now and I still can't get over him. It started out by him showing interest in me by doing all the things guys do to get a girl's attention. I shut the door on this guy from the very beginning because of past failed relationships and later as I began to grow fond of him he started playing hard to get. We've flirted a lot in the past but it never got to the point where either of us could make a move. He's had my number for a while now but has never bothered to call me. Normally, I would tell myself that this guy isn't interested. However, everytime I talk to him he always shows bodily gestures of attraction. For example, licking his lips, looking at "other" body parts while we're talking. I'm totally confused by this guy. Let me know what you think about this. thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 04-05-2004 - 8:42am
Let me get this straight - you want to be with a man who stares at your breasts or body parts other than yor eyes when he speaks to you? Sure, a glance now and then is flattering - as long as it's subtle - but when you are not in a relationship with someone you feel respected when he leers at you and licks his lips - rather than listenng to what you are saying and trying to get to know you better? Is this the kind of person you would be proud to introduce to your family? You want him leering at you at family functions? Charming.

Think of it this way - in two years - what does he know of your life- does he know about your family, or friends, or what is going on - when he sees you does he remember and ask? If you told him your mother was under the weather would he ask how she was doing the next time you saw him? Does he share with you personal things about his life and seek your advice?

He IS attracted to you - no confusion there - he sees you as a sexy woman and he likes your figure and he thinks about getting you in bed - a man who wanted to court a lady would restrain himself from leering no matter how attracted he was because he would want his chosen to feel respected and . . .. like a lady. It is simple - he wants to have sex with you, if you offered that he would jump at the chance, but since he has your number and can't even bother to call, he is not into you as far as a relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 6:06pm
we actually have had decent converation in the past and he doesn't really stare at my breasts and butt directly, it's a subtle glance every now and then when we do get a chance to talk for more than 30 seconds. He does know quite a bit about my personal life as I know about his. But I've noticed that he has lied to me to impress me or make me accept him for who he is. In other words, he says things about himself that aren't true because he knows that it will appeal to me. I know he doesn't want a relationship with me but I can't help but wonder why he keeps asking me what I'll do when I graduate and where I'll be moving later. He's asked me if I have a boyfriend. He even saves the emails that I send him about past events. He actually saved one that I sent him 6 months ago and when I came back from my vacation he still had it. He only deleted it the day I ignored and walked right past him which indicated to me that his feelings were somewhat hurt. I know about all this email stuff because I somehow managed to crack his password and I know that I'm probably a bad person for doing that but it gives me a piece of mind and that is something that I lack these days.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 04-06-2004 - 11:49pm
I guess we're at very different places in our lives. I have no interest in someone who lies and checks out my breasts in the way you described, nor would I ever violate someone's privacy as you have done - and if I did I would make sure to spell properly - piece of mind?? Maybe you mean you need a piece of mind because what you are doing is a little out of your mind? If you want to spend your time stroking your ego and wondering who finds you hot, go for it. I prefer to focus my attention on meeting someone who want sto date me for purposes of a relationship and who has similar values to mine - then again since he lies and you steal, that probably works out just fine.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 2:50am
I thought this was a forum where people share and exchange advice on relationships. I didn't know I would be judged by a spelling Nazi. Don't fret, you have come to the right place. The next time you want to seek advice ask an expert to provide you with the neccessary skills to express your ever so intellectual opinions in an eloquent manner so that they do not come off as vulgur and/or inarticulate. Taking advantage of people who are emotional? That's pretty low. If you wanted an award for cheap shots, you just won the grand prize. Pin it on the wall so that everyone in your lonely house (all 3 mice) can see it and cheer. Good times.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-14-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 6:47am
I FEEEEELLL your pain, although I don't know what you're responding to as I'm happily oblivious, thanks to the "ignore posts" feature of this site.

Another wonderful feaure I'd like to bring to your attention is the "report a violation button".

Cheers

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 10:17am
Well, my initial reaction to what you wrote in your post was Yuck. You sure didn't describe him in a very attractive light IMO. Does the interest between you extend beyond physical attraction, or is that the extent of your interaction? If you want to know how far his interest goes, ask him out. But...if he talks to you and has your number, my opinion is that he would've asked you out if he wanted a date with you. He might just be looking to get laid. That's just the impression your post gave me. You didn't give many other details to go on, so I formed my opinion from what you wrote (and my opinion is he's a horny college guy).
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-22-2003
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 10:23am
I just read this after I posted my other reply to you, and it only reinforced my initial impression. He wants to get laid. You know he's a liar and you know he's not looking for a relationship. So....what's your question? If you're just looking for some horizontal recreation, this guy will no doubt comply.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 10:30am
I believe he is immature (playing hard to get, etc.) Find someone else. There are lots of tother fish in the sea!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 6:32pm
Thanks for all your replies. I completely agree with you all on this issue. I know he just wants to get laid but I am so attracted to him both on a physical and mental level. We have so much in common and I'm so drawn to his intelligence. I guess I could just have him there for physical fun but he would probably want to do more than just make out and I'm definitely not ready to lose my virginity to him no matter how attracted I am. It just pisses me off that he winks at me when he sees me with other guys. That totally throws me off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2004
Wed, 04-07-2004 - 9:11pm
I think you should hold out for someone who feels about you the way you say you feel about this man. You deserve no less.