Shall I make the first move?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Shall I make the first move?
6
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:40pm
I have just broken up with my bf, who I have been with for about 4 years.During the process of breaking up, I met this guy, with whom we became amazingly good friends. We talked and I told him about my problems and he supported me in my breakup with my bf.Now we have been friends for about 6 months, but sometimes I feel the attraction between us could be taken to another level.I really think we can hit it off, because we have an amazing chemistry between us.We talk about absolutely anything, inclusing sex (for God's sake we know each other's favourite positions!), and we feel extremly comfortable with one another. I even , by mistake,read a message by his brother to him asking him, if we had both "been intimate" yet an advising him not to since I was still with my bf then. To cut a long story short, I really want to take this to the next level.Shall I attempt to make the first move? And what should I do? Im also sort of intimidated of making the first move and then find out that I might have misread his signals...how would I know? Any help would be very appreciated!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 12:56pm
In my opinion, I don't think you should make the first move. Let nature take its course. If you force something or chase something it will run. Its all about a cat and mouse chase. He is the cat and you are the mouse. Cats go after an innocent mouse that doesn't want to be chased. Men love to work for what they want. As much as they say that don't like to play mind games, but they actually do. If you read a message that was positive about you, then wait. Let him make the first move.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:16pm
Innerbeut,

Thank you for your reply :) Yes, I would rather wait for him to make the first move. I mean, if men really prefer it that way. The thing is he might be a bit intimidated because I had just broken up and doesnt want to be the re-bound bf. And he is somewhat a bit shy, too. Should I at least send out signals that I am interested? If yes, any suggestions?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 2:47pm
Oh you are welcome. What you want is for your guy friend to wonder what a fool your ex boyfriend was for breaking up with you, if that was the case. At the same time he is really happy because he has gotten the privilege to get to know you and have you as his friend. You don't have to give him hints that you are interested in him because he already knows you are interested. You know that a woman that's not interested in a man does not give him any attention. From your first posting it seems to me that you both are interested in each other from the conversations you are having with each other. Just give it time. Don't try too hard because he will notice that you are acting funny. Only one thing that I think you might do, just make him wonder about you a little bit. Men love a mysterious woman. As much as we women think that men play hard to get, they don't. If they don't make the first move it's because they are not ready to make a move. When they do make a first move they will go all out. Be patience and before you know it he will be making his move.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 3:07pm

Hello dreammate!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:24pm
Terry, Officially, we are considered "very close friends", the other day though he was talking about a nice couple that he knows and said "we should go out with them", I let it pass by, but we usually plan to do things together. We planned to watch a movie together next week, try a new restaurant and those sort of things. Now, Im wondering why he would be investing so much time in a friendship? Im sure there are no other women in his life and he's not interested in finding any. On the other hand, what do men usually feel about women who make the first move? Specially women, they are not officially dating?
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-21-2004 - 4:34pm
hmmmmm, it appears that this is an "implied" relationship to him. In other words, he is treating it as if it is. You, on the other hand are trying not to assume that it is and are wondering where you stand...