Is this really about trust?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-22-2004
Is this really about trust?
2
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 9:20am
Recently my BoyFriend decided that he can only be friends with me. He states he still loves me but cannot trust me, and can only offer friendsship at this point. The reason for his mistrust is he said I broke a promise. We had a large relationship talk, and I told him I would give him two days with his friend that was visiting (a girl). I stopped by his apartment the second night because he sounded not OK on the phone, and I wanted to make sure he was alright because I love him. He sees that as breaking our agreement. He will not take my word that he can trust me, nor do I think he should just take my word for it. He is willing to truely be friends, but he's not sure about anything else at this point. The relationship talk we had, we both decided we wanted to work on things and we both don't want this to end, we were very happy untill she came. I told him that I will not stop trying to prove to him that he can trust me. At this point I told him that I would not call him until he called me. What can I do, to help him see that he really can trust me, and ending it over this is not worth it. We both have said to each other that we believe that the other is the "perfect girl/guy." The girl that was visiting is an old friend from out of state he has barely seen in the 7 years he's known her, but did consider her "the perfect girl" at one point in his life. He told me he no longer feels this way for her, and he is a different person now. In his break-up explaination he said that he was having a hard enough time saying good-bye to her again and the fact he probably would not see her for another 3-4 years. He also stated this had nothing to do with the girl, and made it clear they are just friends. He has always had many female friends, and insits he will not give them up. I have never asked him to give them up, only to tell me about them.Should I just give him time? Should I send him a card/letter? Or should I just trust that if it is meant to be it will be and just be myself? Right now it has been 4 days and I am just waiting for him to call, but keeping myslef busy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-19-2004
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 10:03am
Was the girl at the apartment when you went to see him? If so than i would be pissed. What does that have to do with trust. He is making excuses. it sounds like he made that up just to be alone with her and than you interupted by going over there. I think i would be debating wheather or not i trust him. Of course gwendlynith i don't know the whole situation either, this is just what i know. so don't take anything that anybody says here seriously because you are the only one that truly knows your own situations, we are just opinions. Right? Anyway we all wish you luck.

Oh, and your boyfriend should'ent have wished to be alone with this girl that you don't even know. does he know how uncomfortable this made you feel? He should not treat you this way, he should treat you like a queen. Don't ever take less.

Good luck

Carrie

And to answer your question, i would say "no" this isn't about trust. It is obviously about something else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-24-2004 - 8:43pm
The whole scenario stinks. First of all, if a favorite friend of his was coming into town, normally he would want you two to meet, even if it's for ten minutes, but most importantly to put your mind at rest. His indignant attitude and silent treatment smacks of guilt...maybe nothing happened, but did he try to make it happen?? If everything was on the up and up, who cares if you stopped by?

EVEN if you had such big insecurity issues and you were so compelled that you had to stop by with the most transparent of reasons, if this guy cared about you, he would 'get it' and work with you, be supportive and do everything to make this visit easy for you.

He's just shown you his true colors.