When will he call for a 3rd Date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
When will he call for a 3rd Date?
8
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 6:52pm
I've met this wonderful man recently and I'm not sure what my next move is. We had an absolute blast on the first date, had a ridiculous amount of different things in common, he's well rounded, funny, smart and gets the way I think. I know I could be really great friends with this guy within a relationship. I've not shared so much laughter with a man before.

Our second date was 2 days later, on a Sunday night, and we ended up sleeping together. No pressure, no expectations, it just happened naturally. I know we like each other, but I also know I should have not slept with him so soon. I'm not going to be sleeping with him (or anyone else for tha matter) again until we're exclusive. He wants to take things emotionally slow, and I think that's good for me too. But is our chance for something more ruined? Or is it possible (with the absence of sex for now) to backtrack and take it slowly forward?

I genuinely like this guy and think we could both add a lot of great things to each other's lives. I'm just not sure how to proceed, i.e., do I call him or let him make the next few dates?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 7:51pm
Ooh. This happened Sunday and he hasn't called yet? I don't want to be negative, but that is SO lame, for a guy to sleep with someone and not call the next day!!!

So...we know he has no manners ;-), but as to the rest, I would definitely let him call you for the next couple of dates. I would expect a call from him by tomorrow at the latest.

I've never had any luck putting the genie back in the bottle when it comes to sex (either the guy takes it the wrong way as a slam to his ego, or we figure, well we've done this before, so good intentions don't last). But it can work out...my ex-husband and I had sex on our first date (not something I'd recommend or do now, but at the time it seemed like a good idea ;-)).

Good luck, and let us know how it turns out.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 8:21pm
Hey.. it's OK!!! Don't panic. It's great that you have posted here while you still have time (I have learned the hard way myself). Almost the exact same thing happened to me a month or so ago and my advice is this - LET HIM CALL!! It might take him 3-4 days.. maybe even up to a week. But don't panic. If he felt something, he will call you. If he hasn't called by Saturday - I think it would be ok for you to call and see if he makes any allusions to getting together again.

When and if you do get together again, see how it goes - try to leave the moves to him - if he starts to want to be all over you again, you could try to lighten the mood by alluding to how the two of you are 'rather impatient' people... that has worked for me... it makes both people laugh and opens the door to talk about speed of relations and the physical. Usually guys will be ok with taking it a bit slower. It doesn't mean you have to be hands-off, just try not to let things go below the belt...

I really hope things work out for you. Stay calm.. it is SOOOOO hard. I am not good at it but if you can hold yourself back from calling him, he just might call.

Sheri (another sheri)

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Tue, 05-25-2004 - 11:53pm

Hello maihread!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 11:45am
Wow, this board is wonderful!!

THanks so much for your rreplies. :) We did talk after we slept together, and after a month off of work for medical leave, he started work again this week, AND had out of town guests in for the weekend. So I'll give it a few more days. I'll never let anyone but us know I do regret sleeping with him so soon...just didn't know any better. But this is how we learn!

I'm relieved and freaked out at the same time that I haven't heard from him. It gives me a chance to get my head together and to prepare to say goodbye (i'm a pisces, we like to bond!) if this all flops.

Anyway, I dont' know if this goes to the whole board or just one person, but thanks for all the replies. :)

Mairead

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 12:09pm
well...... it IS a great board!! That's because of all the good people here!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 1:10pm
Sounds like his plate is full right now. If you havent heard from him by the weekend I dont see the harm in dropping a casual "Hi, how are you" email. Good luck and let us know...I, for one, want to know what happens.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 11:22am
Since I can only be my truly neurotic self in the beginning stages of dating on this lovely board, I hereby giveth upeth. He hasn't called, and if he does, I'll take it fresh from there. However, for now, I have to just know that I should not have slept with him, and that's that. I can't do what I've done in the past and try to predict or control what I can't. Yes, I'm rather sad because I'm 28 and I've done the casual sex thing and now I want more. Unfortunately, this guy is the first I've wanted more with since getting the casual sex thing out of my system, and what did I do? Oops.

I can handle not having sex until there's something more substantial there. (Sorry for venting a bit here.) I just know I lost this one and it sucks. It sucks because if he slept with me, I have to believe he's slept with others. But is that just a rule of thumb? Or was it really that we hit it off so well and we both weren't thinking?

Ok. got to move on. sigh. got to move on. Thanks again for all your imput. :)

Mairead

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 2:41pm
Sorry to hear that. Onward and upward!

Sheri