why men don't call & other questions

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
why men don't call & other questions
10
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 7:58am
i'm new to the dating scene after having broken up with my bf of 6+ years in december. recently i met two really nice guys thru the personals. one lives 2 hours away, the other just 30 minutes. i thought i'd get something going on with at least one of them but now i'm afraid both are disappearing on me. i don't act needy, cold, or do anything pathological. the first guy, whom i met a month ago, has yet to really 'touch' me although he talks a lot about being attracted to me. after spending a day with him sunday, i just get a rather lame email that talks about the weather and thanks me for showing him around my part of the world. no mention of a followup date. the guy who lives nearby, whom i met a week ago, isn't such a talker but he kissed me goodnight on our second date. however, here it is wednesday and he hasn't called about seeing me again! i know this is the getting-to-know-you stage for both but i hate not knowing what's going on with these guys, particularly the one i just met. should i take the lead with him or wait for the call? as for the first guy, i've already decided i'll let him suggest the next meeting.

thanks for your help,

marva
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-11-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 8:55am
Well there are several reasons why men do not call:

-they are busy

-they want to see if a woman emotionally dependent on them

-they just like a challenge, or a mystery. so they let time pass so that way they have time to miss the woman

-they are casually dating other women

So relax a bit, he will call you. If not, there's other fish in the sea.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 9:03am

Hello marva!

 
Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 9:55am
Hello Marva! I can speak from experience; I was new to the dating scene three years ago, after being spoken for for 8 years. It was a rude awakening! I was very sensetive towards every prospect in the beginning. I thought if they didn't call / act appropriate, etc. it must have something to do with ME.

Nothing could be further from the truth. If you look at dating sort of like an "interview process" (sorry if that sounds tactless)rather than a means toward your life partner, you should be able to relax and have fun- and someday learn enough to meet a guy who you want to stick with.

Not every date is going to lead to a second, third or a real relationship. Try and take 'em with a grain of salt and never give up. Stay positive and look for the qualities that you want in a man.

Best Wishes!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 1:21pm
Dating can be SO frustrating. You can have an AMAZING date and just...never hear from the guy again! You have to develop a thick skin if you want to survive. Have no expectations attached to the earliest stages of dating and you wont be let down. For me personally, I let the guy do the pursuing in the early stages for the most part. I want to KNOW that he has a valid interest in me. Good luck and keep posting. I want to hear how your dating journey progresses.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 5:02pm
absolutely -- frustrating is the word for dating, wendie. it's so much work -- getting new clothes and makeup and having your hair done. cleaning your house really good just in case they come in. sigh...the most frustrating thing is, i wasn't having any luck meeting people i liked then along come two guys i could really go for. i'm not giving up hope on them yet. and surely they aren't the only ones out there!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2004
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 5:38pm
I think I would wait for him to call. That's how I've always handled it. If he has a serious interest, trust me, nothing can stop him from calling. Make sure your phone is plugged up and answering machine turned on!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 6:24pm
Oh, my goodness, I must be jaded about dating...I don't do any of those things! I use the fact that I haven't cleaned my house as a reason NOT to invite them in!

Not saying you're wrong to do those things, but I've just had too many disappointing experiences to have any expectations, especially on the first few dates. A guy really has to wow me to get me to dress up and clean my house...and it's not going to happen before date 5 or so!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 6:35pm
Wow...do you really get your hair done for a date? I would never put in that much effort, who knows if he's even worth it, lol. I don't wear make up either...not on a first meeting...depends on if its a real pick me up, nice restaurant, etc date but I only do that after I've gotten to know him a bit...

As to house, I clean it every sunday and that's it. If he thinks its not "clean" enough then chances are he isn't my Mr Right ;-)

Have fun...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 8:00pm
you all are too funny! thanks for the reality check. no hair appointments, no house cleaning until the 5th date ;) hey, at least i didn't buy a new wardrobe. (oops,well, maybe i did get one new -- casual --outfit, but i needed it anyway.)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 05-26-2004 - 8:12pm
I just thought of something else...you'd be setting the bar pretty high...what do you do when you REALLY want to impress him? ;-)

My bf mentioned the other day that I never dress up and I replied, "if you want to me with my hair done and a fancy dress - take me somewhere fancy!"