Ready for marriage, but is he??

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Ready for marriage, but is he??
6
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:45pm
I a single Mother of two. I've been with my (now live-in) boyfriend for close to two years now.

He is kind, patient, attentive, sweet, loving, and wonderful and emotional supportive with me and my children. He also has a son of his own, who has 'behavioral' issues. In short, he admits he never set boundaries with his son. Now his 5 year old is demanding, rude, bossy, and get physically abusive with my children. He praised my parental skills, and asked me for help. I said yes, but now he fights me in disciplining his son every step of the way. Later he says Im doing whats best, but he still fights me.

Here's the issue, he doesn't believe in marriage. In the span of our relationship, I've bought a home and he's moved in with me. Problem is he doesn't much help with bills, saying that he still has his own apartment to pay for, and wouldn't try to sublet it. Even though he makes more money, and works less hours than I do, Im burdened with all the financial obligations, and the majority of the housework.

I don't think he's ready for marriage, and the idea of my children getting too attached to someone who doesn't want to make that type of a committment to me is scary, and I think maybe emotionally dangerous.

Do I cut the strings, or wait for him to work out these "issues"?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 3:53pm
He doesnt believe in marriage...you do. Its as simple as that...he's probably not going to change...I think you need to decide for yourself what works for you. If you want a committed relationship (defined as marriage) then this may not be the man for you. Youve been together for 2 years...Im willing to bet your children already ARE attached. Good luck.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 4:37pm
Looks like you need to let this one go unless you are willing to be in that situation forever. The only way you can show your kids they should not take that kind of future is if you are strong enough to cut the cord. You can never change a person. There is no marriage in your future. He's comfortable with the way things are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Thu, 05-27-2004 - 9:21pm

Hello philyra!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2004
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 1:42pm
Thanks to all those who took the time to respond. Im begining to feel much more confident in knowing what Im going to do. Let him go. I know I need a partner in life. Not another dependant. I love him with such incredible intensity, and he is sweet and attentive, and all the great things a man should be for the most part. But I also need a man who is his own person and who takes care of his responsibilities in life, and contributes to the household, and family as well. This may also give him a chance to grow some in responsibility, and independance. Thanks for your support. Letting him go will be one of the hardest things I've ever done. But I know in the end, its best for where I want to be in my life. Wish me luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 2:01pm
It is certainly your decision as it is your life that you are considering...

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Fri, 05-28-2004 - 3:30pm

,