so sad =o(

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2004
so sad =o(
4
Sat, 05-29-2004 - 10:31pm
Hi Everyone

I have a problem which seems all too common & I have no idea what to do about it-I am involved with a married man. About 2 1/2 months ago I met a man through work. I am 24 he is 36. We liked eachother from the moment we met-there was an instant connection. We started hanging out for work related functions & there was such chemistry there but we were hesitant because he was married. He told me he never cheated before but he really wanted to get involved with me because he felt that there was somethin there other than attraction-so I agreed. We started hanging out more & more, the more we hung out the more we liked eachother. He was not one of those typical married guys were I was waiting for the phone to ring for the next time we can hang out, He MADE time for me. We were hanging out practically everynight of the week. We didnt get physically involved right away either we took our time. We were great together, we got along great, we agree and see things the same way. I always said to myself if i feel like this is wrong I am going to cut it off, but NOTHING ever felt wrong, everything is right with this man. I felt like he is my soulmate, like we were made for eachother, and he feels the same way. He told me that hes never felt this way about any other person before, even his wife.

The closer and closer we became the more he started to confide in me about the issues in his life. He told me that he was not in love with his wife anymore, and was not happy with her, also suspected her of cheating on him, and had felt this way for about 1yr. He told me that I made him happy & that if I was not in his life he would not be able to function without me, that if he had to choose he would be with me. He went on vacation with his wife & called me every free chance he got to tell me he wishes that I was here with him instead of her.

Recently things at his house got a little rocky (he has no kids) but him & his wife started fighting alot, he was miserable and it seemed like things were going to end soon. He would call me up to confide in me & he recently told me that he does not want to be with her anymore that he wants to be with me. But just to give him a little time because he wants to make sure of things before leavin his wife (of 10 years) for some girl hes known for only 2 1/2 months. He also said that he feels extremely guilty because she is a great person & does not want to hurt her but does not want to be with her anymore. I agreed because I did not want to be the cause of the breakup I wanted him to break up with her because he was not happy, not because of me.

SO here is the problem-about a week ago, she went through his emails, cell phone bills, & text messages, & found out about me. I told him that he was not being careful & he said dont worry about it-deep down I think a part of him wanted her to find out because he didnt know how to walk away on his own. Now he said she wants to leave him, they get in these horrible huge fights, but then the next day she is always back home. He will not admit to her that he cheated because he doesnt want to break her heart, and he is scared she will take all his $$. But she is not stupid and she knows about me, she has my number & keeps calling me. He also told me that she is severely depressed & tried to kill herself 3 times, & he feels guilty & obligated to leave her. He said his wife is divorcing him this week (so he says). He is extrmemely depressed now, and he is pushin me away. He says that I am too good for him and he played 2 girls & he deserves to be lonely and miserable. Now I think he is having doubts about me because he feels like I will not be able to be in a committed relationship with him, that I will never trust him etc. and now that his wife is actually going he is freaking out. He says that he risked alot for me & that he just wants to make sure Im for real about this whole thing and Im not gonna screw him over.

So now at this point he is ignoring me. He says that he has no regrets and that he is so happy that he met me, and that he still wants to be with me, but he feels like he wants to be alone right now because his whole world came crashing down on him, his family hates him, and he hurt someone he cared about, and feels like he is dragging me down at the same time. I am just confused because he said he wants to be with me, and now here is his chance and I feel like hes not taking it. I know its very soon but I didnt expect him to push me away I told him I would be there for him no matter what. I want to be with him but I feel like now that his wife is actually leaving that hes having doubts about everything. But I dont want him to just run to me because he has no one else, and in the back of his head miss his wife & want to be with her, and resent me in the future. I have no idea what to do..please help =o(

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 11:44am
There's a board here that deals with affairs and such. I think it would be wise if you posted this there.

But just one thing for you--the guy had his cake and ate it too, got caught and that's why he's backing off. He didn't have any intentions of leaving his wife otherwise he would have done so. He played you, he played her and now he's retreating back into his slimy hole.

Let him go. Don't be fooled by his story. I could write you 100 just like it that I've heard and read over the years.

If things were meant to be, he wouldn't had been involved. Don't get involved with a married guy again--you reap what you sow.


 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 7:33pm
Hello hugsnkissesx0x0!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 8:26pm
Glad you answered Terry b/c I had no clue of the URLs. :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 05-30-2004 - 8:30pm
no prob bc, I found out one day that it's my job to direct people to appropriate boards.