Men at work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
Men at work?
5
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 4:31am
I met a guy at work about a month ago and we got along really well. About 2 weeks ago I asked him to a function at a night club and he agreed to go with me. We both got a bit drunk and he ended up staying the night at my place. Nothing happened because I was adamant about that!

I did know that he was "involved" with another girl whom he met about 3 months ago. Why I say "involved" is because her boyfriend lives with her and her parents, so he only sees her at lunchtimes (unfortunately she sometimes comes to our offices!) He told me that he is trying to get out of the situation and knows it's not a good one.

Anyway, last Wednesday I went to a friends house for dinner and sent him a text message which said "hi". My friend got hold of my cell phone and within about an hour he was there! He had driven about half an hour to get there. Anyway, after a few drinks we went home and he slept over at my place. This time a lot happened and we had sex. In the morning I told him "No more with the other girl" and he agreed. For 2 days after that we were getting along fine until the other girl showed up at our offices on Friday afternoon and before I knew it they had left! I was very upset.

So I sent him a text message that said "I really thought you were different to the rest but I guess I was wrong. Thanks for the ride, enjoy your day!" I didn't hear from him the whole weekend and saw him briefly this morning. He managed to mumble a "hi" and looked very sheepish.

I don't know if I jumped to conclusions by assuming he went off with her on Friday, but he made no attempt to explain anything to me. He is 25 years old and I am 31. He doesn't own a car or an apartment. I have both. Do you think he feels inferior? I am coping quite well so far today, but I miss our fantastic chats and closeness.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: farawaygirl
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 9:11am
faraway girl...

Your mistake was to let him come home with you...and HAVE SEX! When you add the fact that the 2 of you were a little drunk---did you honestly expect NOTHING to happen?

You knew in advance that the 25-year old was involved with another woman...and whether that woman has another b/f or not isn't the issue! The 25-year old you wanted WASN'T GOING TO BE EXCLUSIVE to you!

Chalk this one up as a stupid move on your part...and let it go. You'll see each other at work and (eventually) have a few more "fantastic chats" together. Just don't offer him any more rides....to his house OR YOURS!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-26-2003
In reply to: farawaygirl
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 10:32am
I know I shouldn't have had sex with him 'cause I am not that kind of girl.

But he was so convincing with his stories about this girl and I liked him so much I believed him. He also asked me out a few times (to movies and drinks) over the last weekend which made me believe even more that he was really giving us a shot. In fact when I questioned him about having 2 women at once he replied "who told you that? I DONT have quite a few women on the go at all. I am NOT like that at all"

So, Pianoguy, although I understand and appreciate your advice, I am sad that I was so trusting of a guy who told me that he was a good guy with morals and values. He even told me on Thursday morning that I must meet his family on the weekend as they all know about me (as does the other girl - she's 24 BTW). I am sticking to my guns and not having any outside of work contact with him, but I still like him (through all this) and think he likes me.

I am so tired of making mistakes with relationships, I am starting to think my judgement of character is appaling!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
In reply to: farawaygirl
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 10:40am
Hon, I know it's hard but try not to get frustrated with yourself. We all make mistakes in our judgement of characters--that's why the ladies here always say to wait before sex comes into play.

But in reality, life and relationships is a gamble. Sometimes you roll the die and you win, sometimes you lose even when the odds looked really great. The greater the risk, the greater the reward... but the greater the potential loss too.

All you can really do is move forward, learn from the mistakes, and continue to be true to yourself.

And do not waste time beating yourself up! :) *hugs*

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
In reply to: farawaygirl
Mon, 05-31-2004 - 11:36am
Hello farawaygirl!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
In reply to: farawaygirl
Wed, 06-02-2004 - 1:07pm
I dont think its an inferiority complex kind of thing.
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