What should I do and how do I find out?
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| Mon, 05-31-2004 - 5:00am |
Ok, I have a real messy situation going on in my life now. I used to go out with an older man for 3yrs plus and we have just broken up in early this year. We were also lived-in partners of which I have moved out after the break up. I am still getting over this relationship. We are still talking but we went thru alot of arguments, therefore our conversations are pretty curt. Recently, I met this guy, who's in his 30's and of course younger than my ex. He's really nice and makes me laugh and has declared to me that he's keen to see where does this brings us to. We've been seeing each other over the weekend and this is only after knowing him for about 2 weeks. I don't know if I made a mistake, but I slept with him...and it's not just once but twice. He told me that he would like to see more of me. I'm curious, am I just looking for someone to cover up my heartache? Or am I really attracted to this new guy? Pretty much, I have thought about it and the answer is: Why not give myself another chance than to be moaning and groaning about my ex? So, I saw this new guy every day...spending time getting to know him and all that. And over the few days of seeing him, he has made said one sentence. That sentence is: "We go with the flow"
What does this mean? Is he still keen and willingly to explore? Or not? I do like this new guy, but I am also afraid that I may be using him to get over my ex. Which I'm still not sure myself. I've completely lost touch with the dating phase. After all, its been more than 3yrs...My question is: "What should I do next?"

If you wanna "go with the flow"---just prepare yourself for the possibility of another unexpected flood.
Granted...any new romance will always be better at the beginning...because the 2 of you are learning about each other. But as a couple "settles in"...there are often a few undesirable traits or unflattering remarks (from each of you) that work their way into the mix!
Pianoguy thinks you "jumped in the sack" a little too soon...but you apparently felt it was necessary? Some women feel that sleeping with somebody else will either eliminate a hurt (from an EX) or view the act as a way to "get back at a spouse or b/f!" Not knowing you or your motives, I'm not suggesting that this was your intention.
My only suggestion is not to OVER RUSH YOURSELF! When a woman makes herself too accessible, many men start to feel a little pressured (and possibly controlled). And I'm sure you know the moment this happens...we'll back away...and come up with excuses not to see you.
S-L-O-W D-O-W-N.....okay?
Pianoguy
YES! I think I jumped into it way way much too soon. I shouldn't have and maybe I would still have the new guy on my fingertips? Speaking of the sack, it wasn't necessary or unnecessarily. It just felt right at that spur of moment. And I think we had a pretty good understanding of that and YES! we took safe precautions...after all, we're all adults here!
I think you're right. I should really slow down now or else you men will back off. So, are u saying that I should use the Laws of Scarcity now? And of course, I don't want to overdo this and then make him thinks that I lost interest.
I suppose, he was a real comfort after what happened btwn me and my ex. And no, I did not tell him my entire love life crisis! DANGEROUS zone to speak about. But I am real sure that I did not sleep with him just to get back at anyone.
Hmmm....
Pianoguy isn't quite sure what you mean by "the Laws of Scarcity"---unless you're thinking about making a trip overseas? Then again..perhaps you have a location to disappear to whenever you need your personal space? Seriously...
Consider the thought of de-acceleration...at least when it comes to the sex!
Most men are never gonna turn an aggressive woman away...especially if she's hot and is ready to bring him more pleasure in bed than he could possibly imagine! BUT...most of us also know that there's a price for your....err....agility? Many women who share themselves with us...develop certain expectations afterwards.
Once a woman becomes attracted...she often expects to become 'attached' to the man she has given herself to. So if a few of us hints at the idea of "cooling things down" after awhile...our suggestion will hurt you...make you angry...or goodness knows what!
Granted...you ARE an adult...and know what you can (or can't) handle when it comes to sharing the same bed. But you can only carry through with a sexual fantasy for so long! The 'after-thoughts' will probably stay in your brain much longer--than in the head of the man you just slept with!
Pianoguy
Laws of Scarcity means making myself unavailable to the new one to keep him on his toes. But not to the extent of getting outta the city or country!!!
I have not much to reply to the topic about "sexual relationship". What you have replied is true but not completely. And we wont know till later right?
Oh well, life goes on. I don't expect anything from sleeping with someone. And this isn't some "Fatal Attraction" kinda story. Get what I mean?
But in anyways, I think its time for me to retreat,retreat and retreat and watch what happens. I won't expect something to happen, but if it does, then great...if not, life still goes on.
So, I wanna say thank you for your advice! Funny how men think. And not all think the same way right? Maybe, you can teach me a few pointers...
and he still doesn't get it?
oh dear!
thanks for telling me
I think the song you're referencing is GOTTA TRAVEL ON by Billy Granmar...although others have sung the tune as well.
Keep in mind that Pianoguy's fingers not only caress the 88 keys on a piano, but they are occasionally utilized for an outstanding backrub---assuming he has "permission" to caress the curves of a woman's back and spinal column. I usually wait until she asks me though. Usually...the song my fingers perform on her back muscles turns out much better than I expected!
Pianoguy