rescuing friends

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
rescuing friends
2
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 5:28pm
There's 5 of us and we have been good friends for over 30 years. We had a reunion. Everyone knows life is not perfect and relationship requires work. Overall we are doing good except for 2 who's a concern.

Friend#1

Says she loves the man and he does too. She's considered spending the rest of her life with him. They both want kids. We believe they are in love. Problem is, they rarely spend time together. Their communication has decreased but their intimacy has increased. We know for sure that one has and will make time but her partner is busy working all the time, always out of town, and whatever little time is left, he spends it elsewhere. He sees her once a month to make love. Only on few occassions did they do other things aside from that. She's known him for 5 months, they went through many humps and survived it with flying colors so she thinks that's a plus. We say sure you are both in love and wanting kids but he's not around. She's sad and missing the guy most of the time. We also believe maybe/maybe not on chance of marriage down the road specially since they could not talk about it. We don't know how much longer this will last. We feel sorry for her but we don't know how to help her. We believe that if we don't pull her out soon, she will end up pregnant with an absentee father. It seems like talking to her is not working because she's blind and very much in love.

Friend#2

Engaged to a love-at-first site situation. He's been married before and left family. She's engaged to him. They postponed wedding date several times. They live together in a hell hole, he gambles, she supports her, he contributes, he drives her car. Her life used to be better than this. We said it's better to be alone than to be with someone who does not make your life better. She says he loves her and is doing his best for her. Looking at her, we don't believe she's happy becase she's neglected herself a lot. We think maybe she's lonely and needing company. We wanted to get her a job elsewhere so she can snap out of it and have a better life. Guy is against this idea because if she does, she will make way more money than him. She's talented and has great potential. Problem is we are up against race between her getting married vs. putting her in better job. We think that if we move late, chances are this guy will stay with her so she can support him. If we move fast, she's not ready to snap out of it. We only want the best for her.

We wanted to pull them out of their relationship knowing it's the best thing to do. Our intention is good and know that it's the right thing to do but I question if pullling them out without their own willingness is actually the right thing to do. One suggested we should leave it, hope for the best, let time take over and give our shoulder to cry on later. I say if we don't do something about it now and we know their life is going downhill, then what kind of friends are we. We all promised to look at each other no matter what.

What do you think we should do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
In reply to: andesm
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 7:28pm
Im confused...how can you pull a grown adult out of their relationship?
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-01-2004
In reply to: andesm
Tue, 06-15-2004 - 12:12am
Thanks, Wendie! We will give them emotional support and lots of prayers.