New guy still tied up with ex

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
New guy still tied up with ex
6
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 10:47pm
Hi all.

I am in sort of a strange situation here.

I just started dating this guy. When I first met him he was involved with someone but then he broke it off with her to date me. (I did not date him until he was broken up with her, by the way.)

Anyway, we've gone out a few times now and have seemed to hit it off. Here's the problem, though.

Last week his ex's sister got into this terrible car accident and wound up in the hospital. He called me and told me he was at the hospital with her and her family, which I completely understood. They had only been broken up for a month and I would have probably called my ex too if something like that happened to someone in my family. Unfortunately, his ex's sister wound up dying yesterday so he called me and told me he's going to have to stay with her and her family for the next few weeks or so for moral support and to help her and her mother out.

Of course I feel absolutely terrible about it, but I feel like I'm in a weird situation now. I want him to know how sorry I am and to give my support but then I think maybe I should just not contact him do anything until he calls me again.

Any advice?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-05-2004
Sat, 06-05-2004 - 10:59pm
Hi there :)

Would email be a viable alternative? Email would be a casual yet private way to express your sympathy. I would avoid calling him until he calls you again, though.

Ivy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 8:36am
You need to bow out, not call.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 11:13am
Hello sabrinala!

 
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Sun, 06-06-2004 - 2:40pm

How awful.


I think you are correct - call and/or email and let him know you realize he feels he has to be there for his ex, but you're around if/when he needs support for what he's going through.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Tue, 06-08-2004 - 12:39am
Thanks for the advice. It was really helpful. I emailed him a few days ago to tell him how sorry I was and to express my sympathies.

He called today and updated me about what is going on; funeral arrangements and the like and asked how I was doing. I take that as a good sign. It is indeed a very tragic, sad situation and I guess all I can do is let him know I am here for him in whatever way I can be.

Thanks again, everyone, for your advice. This is a wonderful outlet.

Sabrina

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 2:22am
Thanks, all, for your advice.

He wants to hang out with me this weekend. I am a little afraid because I am thinking maybe he doesn't want to see me anymore because of the situation but I am hoping that is just me being paranoid and not why he really wants to see me. I am still feeling really guilty, though, like I can't be happy to see him becuase of this situation. God, life is crazy, isn't it? I guess we just have to be thankful for the time we are above ground.

Thanks again, everyone for your advice.

Sabrina