Any Advice?
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| Mon, 06-14-2004 - 11:37pm |
I've been reading everybody's posts for a while now, but I just signed up and I would appreciate any advice.
I met this guy about six months ago, and we really clicked. We dated for a while and then very abruptly, he said that he just wanted to be friends. At first, I thought that there might be someone else, but that wasn't the case. Since then, we have continued to spend a lot of time together, as much time as we did when we were dating. He's a good guy, and I have fun with him.
This was, by far, the best relationship I have ever been in. He didn't try to change me. He accepted (and continues to accept) me just the way I am. I'm 28 years old, and he's five years older than me. I really think that the problem is that he's afraid of committment. When we were dating, he told me that he's never been in love.
The problem is that I want more than a friendship, and it's becoming difficult for me to hang out with him knowing that he doesn't want a relationship. I feel like I can't get over him if we're spending every weekend together. On the other hand, if we go our separate ways, I'm going to miss him. I feel like I'm in a no win situation. Should we continue hanging out or should we sever all ties?
Thanks for any advice you may be able to provide!

He may be immature but there is also the possibility that he fears rejection & vulnerability and as such has built a protective wall around himself. Just as most women have the innate need for validation and security in a relationship, many men need safety with his fears and vulnerabilities.
One example is - if a woman is chatty about her friend's issues, fears, worries and upsets then a man may interpret this as her inability to guard his vulnerabilities. What a man has to learn is personal acceptance and responsibility with the knowledge that if his vulnerabilities are turned against him - he can walk away with honor and dignity.
Just something to think about before jumping to conclusions.
I think that he won't let himself fall in love because of being vulnerable. I also think that he got scared when we were together because he realized that he had strong feelings for me. He also told me that I was very different than any woman he had ever dated. I'm not the super model type and I am educated, and I think that this was a change for him. :)
Thanks for your input!
I've tried meeting other guys, but I compare all of them to him, and they don't stack up. We're really good for each other, and we talked about that tonight.
I was out of town for about a week and a half. After I was gone for four days, he told me that he really missed me. He said something like, "I thought that you needed me, but I realize that I need you. I'm lonely without you." We spent the day together today, but I couldn't bring myself to talk about other feelings, and we didn't talk about the conversation we had when I was away.
Good luck with yours. :(