help- I have a broken, broken heart

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
help- I have a broken, broken heart
3
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:42am
Hi guys, I am so filled with sadness that I don't know what to do. I am constantly on the brink of tears and I have trouble eating/sleeping.

I met this guy under not so ideal circumstances but I still gave it a shot and found that I liked him. A lot. We had so much heated passion that I was completely consumed with him and we were doing really well- until I started feeling antsy last Friday. Here goes...

On Friday, I call him to set up our next date (at this point I still hadn't made much initiative) but get his voicemail. I leave a message saying hi and asked if he wanted to hang out on Saturday.

No call back...I start my early stages of freaking out.

(Note: I have been hurt this way SO many times before that now I get ridiculously paranoid at the slightest HINT of a guy dumping me)

So Saturday morning I go out for a run....come back to take a shower and muster up courage to call him again. I get voicemail....again.

By then I'm hurt and pissed and confused....as psychotic as one can be.

So I go to lunch and as I'm about to bite into my lunch.....my phone rings.

It's Richard- (mind you, I'm eating so I don't pick up, I let it go to voicemail)

He leaves this msg:

"Cindy, this is Richard- I am SO sorry I didn't call you back yesterday. The day got away from me and I just never got a chance to call- I am SO sorry about that. My phone has been silent for most of today so I didn't hear you call the 2nd time. I have to work today so I won't be able to meet up but I'll call you tomorrow to catch up and see how it's all going."

Fast forward to Sunday (when he was supposed to call)....no phone call.

So later that night I call him...and get voicemail AGAIN.

I had already been hysterical all day but by then I had somewhat calmed down....so I leave a short msg saying hi and to call me back because I want to talk to him.....

And guys, now I feel at my miserable best. Looking back and reading this, freaking out was NOT the best thing to do when things were going relatively well (I think I instigated HIM to freak out in response). Now I don't know what to do...I feel so sad that my heart aches and I want to talk to him really badly but he's not calling me back. If things are going to end now because of this stupid situation, I want to talk to him before I am okay with putting it to rest. Should I even bother guys? What do you think? Should things be better left unsaid?

I know that I need to work on bettering myself before I open up again to someone else. Each time this happens I close myself off more and it makes me more and more distrustful of men. This is something that I probably need to go to therapy for. I just don't know how to get rid of this deep distrust.

Thanks for listening all- what should I do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 7:26am
There doesn't appear to be anything that should have send you into hysterics and blowing up his phone. STOP CALLING HIM!!!

Let him come to you, maybe he's feeling smothered, and who wouldn't if everytime he gets his phone there is a voicemail from you.

Let him call you and BREATHE

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:44am
I am sure he will call you, just be patient. Let him call you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 10:50am
Back off for a while and see what happens.

Have you thought about why this relationship is giving you so much anxiety?

Maybe it is your gut telling you this isn't the relationship you are looking for.

Use this time to figure out why you are amxious- and work on it either on your own or with a therapist.

I used to be really amxious in some relationships and not others and finally understood that when I was anxious it was because I was in the kind of relationship that wasn't right for me.