torn between love and possibilities
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torn between love and possibilities
| Wed, 08-25-2004 - 3:49pm |
please excuse the lenght of this post, i need to get out all the facts!
i have been dating my boyfriend mike for a year and four months now. since the day we started dating i was so happy with him. he would buy me flowers almost every week and once in a while he would give me gifts just because. soon i was so in love with him that the thought of it would make me teary eyed. a few months ago he started working at a night club and works almost every night. he also has a day job so i barely see him. i was still very dedicated and trusting through all of this, but then i started to realize that our goals in life may be different. he mentioned several times in casual conversation that he may never get married. he has also stated that he sees no point in celebrating birthdays and holidays. now mike has had a hard life, and i understand why he feels this way about certain things, but i DO want to get married, and i want to have kids and lots of birthday parties and celebrations, i want to stay close with my family and enjoy life to the fullest. i have never told him any of this because i find it hard to open up to people (especially him with his negative attitude).
so lately i am questioning whether or not we are right for eachother. to add to this confusion, i spent most of my summer hanging out with my family (because mike was always at work) and my brothers friend robert. i have known robert for several years and was always slightly interested in him. we really got along during this time, and even talked about our views on different subjects. there were so many times when i just wanted to show him how i feel, and there was enough sexual tension to believe that he may be feeling the same.
well, summer came to an end and robert had to go back to iowa for college, i am here in miami. before he left he came by to say goodbye to me, we hung out in my room for a little while talking and joking and looking at pictures. and then he left, and he wont be back until christmas.
all this time i have been faithful to mike, and i try my hardest to push robert out of my mind and get back to being hopelessly in love with mike. this has been a hard task, i dont go a day without looking at a picture of robert and wishing we had a chance to see if we could work. i know he has many of the same goals as me and even though mike is very close with my family, nothing can compare to the bond my family has with robert. i know in my heart that if we ever fell in love, we would be so happy, just like we are when we are all together now.
the problem is, even if robert cares for me, we still live so far from eachother, any commitment we would have would be strained by the distance, even though sometimes i think i would move up there if he asked me to. and then there is mike, who has shown so much love and compassion towards me during the time we have been together. i wonder if the things he says are not really true, but just a reaction to how his life has gone. i want to make things right between us, but i also cant stop thinking, what if? i find comfort in telling myself that robert will always be close to the family, and maybe one day when we are older we will get together. i fear that if i dont see if robert loves me, i may wonder about it forever, and never be completely satisfied with mike, who does not deserve to be getting only part of my heart.
as you can see i am confused, and i cant ask or tell anyone about this situation because they are all too close to it. so i apologize for making this such a long post, but i really need help! thanks!
i have been dating my boyfriend mike for a year and four months now. since the day we started dating i was so happy with him. he would buy me flowers almost every week and once in a while he would give me gifts just because. soon i was so in love with him that the thought of it would make me teary eyed. a few months ago he started working at a night club and works almost every night. he also has a day job so i barely see him. i was still very dedicated and trusting through all of this, but then i started to realize that our goals in life may be different. he mentioned several times in casual conversation that he may never get married. he has also stated that he sees no point in celebrating birthdays and holidays. now mike has had a hard life, and i understand why he feels this way about certain things, but i DO want to get married, and i want to have kids and lots of birthday parties and celebrations, i want to stay close with my family and enjoy life to the fullest. i have never told him any of this because i find it hard to open up to people (especially him with his negative attitude).
so lately i am questioning whether or not we are right for eachother. to add to this confusion, i spent most of my summer hanging out with my family (because mike was always at work) and my brothers friend robert. i have known robert for several years and was always slightly interested in him. we really got along during this time, and even talked about our views on different subjects. there were so many times when i just wanted to show him how i feel, and there was enough sexual tension to believe that he may be feeling the same.
well, summer came to an end and robert had to go back to iowa for college, i am here in miami. before he left he came by to say goodbye to me, we hung out in my room for a little while talking and joking and looking at pictures. and then he left, and he wont be back until christmas.
all this time i have been faithful to mike, and i try my hardest to push robert out of my mind and get back to being hopelessly in love with mike. this has been a hard task, i dont go a day without looking at a picture of robert and wishing we had a chance to see if we could work. i know he has many of the same goals as me and even though mike is very close with my family, nothing can compare to the bond my family has with robert. i know in my heart that if we ever fell in love, we would be so happy, just like we are when we are all together now.
the problem is, even if robert cares for me, we still live so far from eachother, any commitment we would have would be strained by the distance, even though sometimes i think i would move up there if he asked me to. and then there is mike, who has shown so much love and compassion towards me during the time we have been together. i wonder if the things he says are not really true, but just a reaction to how his life has gone. i want to make things right between us, but i also cant stop thinking, what if? i find comfort in telling myself that robert will always be close to the family, and maybe one day when we are older we will get together. i fear that if i dont see if robert loves me, i may wonder about it forever, and never be completely satisfied with mike, who does not deserve to be getting only part of my heart.
as you can see i am confused, and i cant ask or tell anyone about this situation because they are all too close to it. so i apologize for making this such a long post, but i really need help! thanks!

Robert or Mike? What a choice!
Pianoguy is curious...how old are you? How experienced are you at dating? And why in the world do you need to make a decision right now?
Having a husband, children and the ivory covered cottage are all WONDERFUL POSSIBILITIES...but unless there's a marriage proposal on the table, what's the rush?
Your feelings for Mike might be changing because he has been working more hours...and hasn't been around. Robert (sort of) took Mike's place for a short time, but now he's in Iowa and won't be back until Christmas. Here's a thought...
Why not give yourself permission to become "a free agent" and not set your cap for anybody in particular. It's pretty obvious (to me anyway) that there's a "desire" deep inside NOT TO SETTLE for either Mike or Robert! So what's wrong with taking your time in order to find the man who is truly..."Mr. Right?"
Pianoguy