*How bad is this?*

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
*How bad is this?*
4
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 3:32pm
Me and my ex broke up about a month and a half ago. The reason for the breakup was that things were just getting boring between us. I was pretty upset at first but i got over it pretty quick. We were together about 7 months (im 19, hes 21)....now we are hanging out again... Friends with benefits type of thing. We see eachother a few times a week, and we talk everyday... We are only sleeping with eachother, not dating other people. He initiated the whole thing pretty much. He acts like i should care about things still that shouldnt matter now... like who he hangs out with etc. Problem is... im starting to worry. As of now, i dont have feelings for him beyond friendship, and of course sexual feelings. but im scared i could start to care about him the way i used to. And i really dont want that to happen, because it will obviously only complicate things. Im pretty sure this is just nothing to him...us hanging out or whatever... SO i was wondering have any of you ever done this with an EX, and howd it turn out? Is this a really bad idea or what??
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 3:47pm
feelinlucky613,

The minute you agreed to accept the FWB routine...your definition and his definition of the term WASN'T the same! He wanted things the way they were...you were happier being more detached! Unless you 2 can "come together" and agree on how serious or non-serious your feelings are...one of you will probably get very upset with the other?

I guess "passion without purpose" is okay for some ivillagers...but Pianoguy is curious...do you REALLY enjoy each other's company after you both put your clothes back on?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 3:50pm
It is hard to believe that you dont have some feelings for him romantically carried over from before. Could you be in denial about this? How would you feel if you saw him out with someone else? How would he feel seeing you out with another guy? Usually casual sex is interrupted at some point by one person drifting off in another direction toward someone new in their life. When this doesnt happen and the sexual relationship persists I think you start to default into a real relationship at a certain point even if you arent speaking about it.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 4:41pm
i would just like to say thank you for replying to my post. To answer your question: Yes we do enjoy eachothers company when the clothes are back on. Its not like we just meet up have sex and say see you next time. We hang out, sometimes things happen, sometimes they dont. We cuddle a lot. We do normal things together we used to do... like going to the movies, hangin out at eachothers houses,going out to eat, going to partys, a lot of times we hang out with his friends too. We talk on the phone and IM alot during the day... etc. Maybe i am denying i have feelings for him... But one thing i do know.. is im ok with us being friends. Yes i do care about him, but not in the way i used to. I dont get that jealous over little things anymore and i like that. If i saw him out with another girl would i be upset? probably, and hed probably feel the same. But we agreed to tell eachother if we ever met someone that we had interest in. Just my thoughts, hope this all makes sense to you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 5:15pm
So when he does find someone else who he is interested in having a relationship you will just gladly step aside and have no remorse?

If it's not working for you, don't do it. If you are worried about getting too attached, you probably are already. Either tell him no more benefits we're just friends or end all contact. If you're not receiving what you need from a person, you shouldn't waste your energy on them.

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