Two Questions...

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-07-2004
Two Questions...
4
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 3:47pm
Alright, so I newly single and dating again (im 26). Anyway, I started talking to this guy and we have been seeing alot of each other and talking every day. I guess my first question is how long do guys normally "keep their options open" as far as talking to multiple girls? I have a tendancy when I am talking to someone regardless of the level we are at, to only really talk to that person. However, I know he talks to other people and I try not to get jealous since its only been three weeks but I still do. How long of seeing/talking to someone before they start to elimate other "friends". Also, we have stayed the night with each other but have yet to sleep together. He said he wants to know the person is right before he sleeps with them. He has no problems doing anything else, he just refuses to have "sex". Is that odd?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 3:56pm
angeerexi...

Any man can talk to any number of women, but it doesn't mean we want to sleep with them! So if TALKING to other women is the ONLY THING your new b/f is doing....get over the jealousy bit!

Most men HATE this trait in women....and the ones that ENJOY it usually play 'one woman off another!' And that's not good for either.

Are you bothered by the fact that your b/f has a few morals? Not having sex with you immediately doesn't make you undesirable. It's proof that there ARE a few "gentlemen" still left on the planet!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 4:00pm
Hi Angeerexi,

I can't answer your first question because i'm a girl and i have the same tendency as you of really only talking to that guy. As for your second question, i don't find that weird. I don't find it weird becuase once a relationship becomes sexual, regardless of how long it's been going, there's a much great chance for getting hurt badly. He's probably like me in the fact that he's been hurt a fair amount, and he jsut wants to make sure that this is going to last, that deep down you're a good person, etc. before he really opens himself up to you and things get really serious.

-Liz Anne

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Thu, 08-26-2004 - 4:01pm
I am someone who thinks people become exclusive too quickly so three weeks seems too fast for me but I dont condone sleeping with more than one person. Maybe there is someone else in his life he is also considering as he gets to know you but you cant know unless you ask him.

Ask him over to your place to play cards. Tell him to bring beer. Sit him down at the table and tell him how you feel about him, whether or not you are ready for exclusivity, your worries about him seeing other people, and your desires to check out anyone new at the moment. Then tell him your cards are on the table - how about his?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-25-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 3:57pm
Well, I can't completely answer your first question about how long guys keep their options open, but for me, even when I like a guy, I like to keep my options open for a while. My reason for that is because comittment scares me and I like to know that I'm really crazy for someone before I cut off the other options. I think it varies depending upon how scared a person is. He may have been hurt in the past and doesn't want to commit right away. How long have you two been talking and hanging out? If it's only a couple of months, I wouldn't worry about it. You've gotta get to know each other well before you get into a committed relationship.

As for the fooling around but no sex thing: I don't think that's odd at all. I fit that perfectly. I am waiting until I fall in love to have sex, but until then a little bit of fooling around doesn't hurt. However, I only fool around with peole that I care about and who I could possibly become serious about and all.

So, maybe this guy is afraid to commit right now. It seems like he likes you, but he may just want to move slowly into a relationship.