body imperfections--bring up before sex?
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body imperfections--bring up before sex?
| Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:17am |
I recently became single after several years in a bad relationship. I've decided it's time for me to, ummm, expand my sexual experiences (i'm 26 years old and have slept with only 3 men). The problem is....one of my breasts is a LOT smaller than the other, and I'm concerned with the initial reaction a potential partner might have. While I'm clothed, it's not noticable because i use silicone pads in my bra to even them out. "Junior", as I have affectionately named the smaller one, even feels real with the pads still in my bra. But once the shirt comes off, it's a different story. The last guy I was with (after the long-term relationship was over), I warned ahead of time, as soon as he started heading toward them, and he detoured and was all weird about it. We saw each other several times and he never would touch them. In fact, even during sex I never removed my shirt or bra, because he seemed so uninterested once he found out they were abnormal. But, it's over with him, and soooo, my question is, should I just act like everything is normal and let whoever find out for himself, or should I do what I did last time and warn him ahead of time (and if that's the case, how do i do so without ruining the mood)? I know everyone will react differently, I'm just wondering what the best overall tactic would be....

Boobs more so than feet are part of sex.
I think her question is very sensitive and requires support.
I have two thoughts about the last guy you were with. Either 1)He was totally shallow and was turned on only by your appearance, and not who you are (in which case you can do better anyway) or 2)Perhaps the way you presented your problem made him unsure about how not to bring attention to it -- maybe he became nervous, not because of your imperfection, but because he didn't want to make you even more self-conscious about it.
Maybe in future relationships, you can bring it up beforehand and mention that it has always made you self-conscious, but only because of how other people (men) might view it. If a man who is intimate with you could be okay with it, then you can too. And then mention that your performance in bed is actually quite amazing when you lose your inhibitions :o)
I think honesty is best, but don't waste your time on men who will only see you for your imperfections. Think of it as a good way to screen the kind of guys you want to share yourself with...lots of girls don't have that opportunity! Good luck and, above all, have fun :o)
It might help.
The other guy you were with may just have avoided them because he felt that you would be uncomfortable.
Maybe just leave the subject quiet until the guy brings it up. Then you can introduce him to junior. :)
But I don't think you should just go out and have sex just to have more experience. I can tell you that it doesn't matter how many people you have sex with, it's what you learn with your partners that matters. I had enough partners in my teenage years- no I'm not proud of that, but I have learned more with 2 men that all those experiences combined never led to. So maybe you should wait until you have a boyfriend and go get the kama sutra for ideas.
I just hope that you feel more comfortable about things.
Good luck
Relax, other things are much more important.