body imperfections--bring up before sex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
body imperfections--bring up before sex?
9
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:17am
I recently became single after several years in a bad relationship. I've decided it's time for me to, ummm, expand my sexual experiences (i'm 26 years old and have slept with only 3 men). The problem is....one of my breasts is a LOT smaller than the other, and I'm concerned with the initial reaction a potential partner might have. While I'm clothed, it's not noticable because i use silicone pads in my bra to even them out. "Junior", as I have affectionately named the smaller one, even feels real with the pads still in my bra. But once the shirt comes off, it's a different story. The last guy I was with (after the long-term relationship was over), I warned ahead of time, as soon as he started heading toward them, and he detoured and was all weird about it. We saw each other several times and he never would touch them. In fact, even during sex I never removed my shirt or bra, because he seemed so uninterested once he found out they were abnormal. But, it's over with him, and soooo, my question is, should I just act like everything is normal and let whoever find out for himself, or should I do what I did last time and warn him ahead of time (and if that's the case, how do i do so without ruining the mood)? I know everyone will react differently, I'm just wondering what the best overall tactic would be....
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 1:43am
hey dreamer0078, I have the same...issue. Except, my unique body-part, as I've learned to call it, are my toes. I have pretty original toes. On my left foot, my ring toe sticks-up and is a lot shorter than my little toe. On my Right foot, my middle and ring toes are really short, and my ring toe also sticks-up. So,is really embarrassing for me at times to be completely comfortable the first time I have sex with a guy. However, I don't mention it to them. I just let them see my feet whenever they get to see them. Some never noticed until I brought it up. I know is hard, and you may think that toes and boobs are different; but they are not. If you don't make a big deal about it, guys can be pretty cool, but if you do they might feel...unconfortable because they don't want to make you feel unconfortable. I now get pedicures, and ask for bright colors. This kind of helps me not be so shy about my feet. I know is sounds silly, but every body is different and unique. If someone is going to like you, they'll like the entired package. Something I've learned to considered before sleeping with a guy is the comfort level I have with him. Maybe is too soon to have sex with a guy if I don't feel comfortable enough to let him see me naked. I don't know if this helps, but it has helped me get over my "unique" toes. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 9:01am
Unless you are sleeping with someone who has a foot fetish a comparison of toes and boobs is not really equal.

Boobs more so than feet are part of sex.

I think her question is very sensitive and requires support.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-26-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 9:21am
I completely understand your problem..anything that makes you feel less sexual about your body will play havoc on your mind, and on your overall sexual experience as well.

I have two thoughts about the last guy you were with. Either 1)He was totally shallow and was turned on only by your appearance, and not who you are (in which case you can do better anyway) or 2)Perhaps the way you presented your problem made him unsure about how not to bring attention to it -- maybe he became nervous, not because of your imperfection, but because he didn't want to make you even more self-conscious about it.

Maybe in future relationships, you can bring it up beforehand and mention that it has always made you self-conscious, but only because of how other people (men) might view it. If a man who is intimate with you could be okay with it, then you can too. And then mention that your performance in bed is actually quite amazing when you lose your inhibitions :o)

I think honesty is best, but don't waste your time on men who will only see you for your imperfections. Think of it as a good way to screen the kind of guys you want to share yourself with...lots of girls don't have that opportunity! Good luck and, above all, have fun :o)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 10:12am
I wouldnt say anything.
Lilypie Baby Days

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2004
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 10:14am
One tactic would be to wait until you have a relationship based on mutual love.

It might help.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 11:04am
Since you're looking to expand your sexual experience I wouldn't say anything if this is a one night stand. However, you run the risk of the guy "reacting" in different ways. I'd find the funny side of it though, "Junior is Junior". If this is a relationship based on love and respect, and there is an emotional connection BEFORE a sexual one then I'd mention it. However, your body will become "the perfect body" to your partner's eyes, as he's respected you and wants you as you are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 12:26pm
The more confident you appear about your body, the better. I myself have issues with my breasts, they aren't so perky if you know what I mean. But I find that if I don't make a deal of it, guys don't.

The other guy you were with may just have avoided them because he felt that you would be uncomfortable.

Maybe just leave the subject quiet until the guy brings it up. Then you can introduce him to junior. :)

But I don't think you should just go out and have sex just to have more experience. I can tell you that it doesn't matter how many people you have sex with, it's what you learn with your partners that matters. I had enough partners in my teenage years- no I'm not proud of that, but I have learned more with 2 men that all those experiences combined never led to. So maybe you should wait until you have a boyfriend and go get the kama sutra for ideas.

I just hope that you feel more comfortable about things.

Good luck

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-25-2003
Fri, 08-27-2004 - 5:31pm
As a man, I would not care if one was smaller than the other, IF I REALLY liked the girl and then these things should not matter in the long run. But if it was just a date or a quick fling, then yes it would matter because we would be in it mainly for sex. I hope that helps.

Relax, other things are much more important.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 4:17am
I think you're missing my point calliesam2004. I am not comparing the body part, but the discomfort of feeling unconfortable with your body. For me, my toes were very hard to deal with. It is not after I read the "body imperfection post" that I was fully able to take off my socks at my ju jitsu class. For me, my feet is a very sensitive issue. My advice was also for me, not just for her. It is feeling out of place and "weird" what has made me see my unique body feature as a good thing,and it is because of this that I can sympathise with anyone who feels unconfortable about anything. At the end, even toes need a little love.