Advice please?
Find a Conversation
Advice please?
| Fri, 08-27-2004 - 5:24pm |
I am a man over 40 and have not been dating in the last few years. I took out the friendly nurse that had assisted me during my recent ordeal. We had lunch that I thought was expensive and had some nice meaningful talk and that was all. No physical contact to speak, despite that she knows I have a sexual interest in her. (I dont know if it is mutual.) She has recently broken up with someone very dear. I want to see her again, badly, but I wonder if I was given the brush off? She didnt invite me in to her place and said we could go out again. Am I expecting too much?

Sheri
If you are concerned about costs of dates then you likely should pick the place.
It can really put a damper on a date when the guy has the women pick the place and then he makes a comment about the cost.
If you did she was probably uncomfortable and kinda pissed.
Your last post:
"I appreciate your advice about the first date situation a few days ago in my post.
By the way, I did not expect sex right away nor am I ready for it. To me an invitation to an apartment or house is just that--a sign of hospitality, nothing more.
It is too bad that people feel that it implies sex itself.Even a kiss is important to me."
I once thought exactly like you that an invitation into my home was simple hospitality, implying nothing more. I can tell you from my own experience as a woman that every single time I invited a man into my place on the first date, he interpreted it to mean that I was open to having sex, or at the very least a heavy make-out session. My reaction the first time it happened was that the guy was a jerk. Same thing with the next guy. I finally realized that this is a common occurence and I stopped inviting guys in until I knew them much better. Yes it is too bad, but many women have expereinced the same thing and won't invite a guy in because she hasn't known him long enough to be able to tell what kind of guy he is. Guys don't come with a 'security clearance', or a 'good guy' certificate. It would be great if they did - LOL, but we women must proceed cautiously and protect ourselves from potential harm and/or the hassle of dealing with the 'octupus man'.
I too wonder why you brought up the cost of lunch? If you cannot afford anything fancy, don't invite her to a fancy place- or suggest a cheaper one if she picks out a fancy place. I think if you're paying you can be honest about how much is too much- I'd rather the guy be honest than go broke trying to feed me! Or next time invite her for coffee only so that will be cheaper.
And I would agree on the inviting guys over thing. Any guy I've invited over, or who's invited me over has had one thing on their mind. To you it may be being hospitable, but for most people it's a sign that you want to start/ continue something. Seeing as how she has just broken up with someone, she's probably not ready to be intimate let alone sexual with another person right now.
If you are truly interested in her whole being, then pick up the phone and arrange another meeting. Doesn't have to cost anything, you could suggest a walk in a nice area. If she agrees and makes plans, then you have your answer.