What would you do?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2004
What would you do?
4
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 9:35am
I have been seeing this guy for a few months now and he has always been nice and happy when he talks to me , but the other night something completely off the wall happened and I have no idea how to handle the situation. Earlier in the day I asked if he wanted me to stay the night and he said he may stay at his friend's but would more than likely go home so I could stay. So time goes by and he calls at 7 pm to say he is staying at his friend's, okay no problem. So I tell him my friend is having a little party and I am going to go over there, well then his mood changed and he began yelling at me over the phone in front of his friend's, telling me saying "oh so just because you are not staying with me tonight you are going to go off to some party, well I want to come" Might I let you know that he has never taken me to his friend's house to hang out! I told him no he could not come only because I wasn't completely sure if I was even going, and I didn't know yet what was going on. Then he went on and on about how I am playing him for a fool and I am only going over there to hook up with other guys and pretty much insulting me in front of all of his friend's, after that I told him i didn't want to talk so he hung up on me. I did absolutely nothing wrong, I have never cheated on him, at first I was not even arguing with him. He would not drop the subject that I told him I was going to a friend's house and he could not come. So should I just not call him and avoid his calls? Call him and let him know exactly how I feel? I like him a lot but his true colors may have come out last night and I am not sticking around if he does that again. Please give me some advice, it really is a tough situation.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 11:15am
I wouldn't call him at all, this guy seems controlling and you've beed dating only a few months...casualy, exclusively?? This is called verbal abuse and verbal abuse can escalate to physical and emotional abuse in no time. It requires one time to be abuse. It appears that this guy wants you to be available to him at any given time and he wants you to "be at home" in case he wants to come over. His true colors showed up and you should be wary of his actions from now on, IF you decide to keep in contact with him. Ignore his calls and messages and learn from this experience, noone can tell you waht to do and even less yell at you over the phone. I'd run as fast and as far from him as I could.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 11:31am
You should definately not call him. He needs to call you, he is the one in the wrong. Why is it okay for him to hang out with friends and not okay for you? Was he drinking? Not that that would make it okay by any means, but alcohol does affect your emotions at times and make you say and do things you may not normally do. Be careful. Don't call him and if he calls and wants to do something tonight, make other plans. He needs to know that he can't treat you like that and just get away with it
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-29-2004
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 2:25pm
I would forget about him not only is he controlling he is very immature.

This relationship will only lead to misery He will completely dictate the terms of the relationship and when you do assert yourself like you did he will be furious.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-11-2003
Sun, 08-29-2004 - 3:26pm
I wouldn't call him. I would actually consider dumping him if I were you. Could it be possible that the reason he is accusing you of going out and cheating is because that's what he is doing when he is out by himself? Maybe he doesn't take you to see his friends because he is being unfaithful.

I would leave though, if you've only been going out for a short while and all of a sudden he is trying to control you, it can only get worse from there.

Good luck!