Trouble in Paradise

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-30-2004
Trouble in Paradise
1
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 10:19am
I have been dating my boyfriend for 3 years as of this month and from the start of our relationship, he has always told little lies, none of which were big. We decided to move into a house together about 2 years ago. Things were great; we did some of the same things, partied alot and were never apart. Come to think of it, we hadn’tt done anything with anyone else for the entire 3 years we have been together (meaning gone out with the girls or the guys). Our relationship started to go sour when we got our house in November. He started to tell more lies and he never had any money, even though he worked 40 hours a week, made more than I did and he does not have a car payment or any other payments to make. He always gave me excuses of why he didn't have any money and I never thought twice about what he told me. At this point I trusted him in our relationship. I know that he would never cheat on me and he treats me great. We are so compatible that I sometimes think that there is no one else for me.

Well our relationship took a turn for the worst in June of this year. It came time for the house payment to be due and my boyfriend disappeared for a while on the day it was due. He finally came home and during the time the he was missing, I had a feeling that something was going on behind my back, I started to look through his things and found a cigarette box with a razor blade and half cut straws in it. I had no idea that be had a cocaine problem. This was the biggest shock I have ever had. He finally came home and confessed to me that he had a problem and he wanted help. At first I was like no I do not want to help you, you lied to me. But after a long talk we decided to work on the problem together. We made the agreement that I would drug test him every week and he would give me his money every week. This went on for about a month and then he wanted to stop, I felt that he did not need to do it anymore and everything was fine. Within in this month, his money has not been accounted for and he hasn’t had money to do anything, I found some suspicious things in his car and I have a feeling that he is doing drugs again, but I can’t ask him about it because he gets defensive. I’m at a lost of what I should do with this relationship. I care for him more than anything in this world, but I can’t trust that he isn’t doing drugs anymore. I went out with my girlfriends last week and I had a blast, it has really made me think about what I want out of my relationship. Part of me thinks that he wants to change but the drug that he has chosen to do is very addictive and he can’t control it. I’m still so confused on whether or not I need to end this relationship. I can’t see myself being a lone and I can’t stand the fact that he will have to move everything out of the house.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 08-30-2004 - 10:37am
You need to educate yourself about addiction. It was very naive of you to think that an addict could be trusted not to use after only a month. Also, without him going to a 12-step program like Narcotics Anonymous (NA), his chances of succeeding in getting clean and sober are pretty much slim to none.

I would contact your local NA chapter and find out if they have a group similar to Al-anon (for people involved with addicts). If not, get yourself to an Al-anon meeting. You need to understand what you are getting yourself into if you choose to stay with him.

Sheri