I am not sure how to do this????

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-19-2004
I am not sure how to do this????
3
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 10:13pm
Hi, I am new to this board and just looking for a little feedback here. The reason I am new to the board is because I am new to dating. I am 49 and divorced 6 years. I have a 13 year old that lives with me and a 19 year old away at school.

I recently met a wonderful man and have been dating him for three months now. I was really just looking for someone just to have dinner with, catch movie, have a laugh, nothing serious...however... it seems this relationship is getting kinda heavy and I'm not sure how it is supposed to go.

I got married young and never really dated so I feel pretty inexperienced here and at 49 with kids and a mortgage and a job etc. it can be really confusing. Anyway this guy is everything I have dreamed about having in a partner. He is intelligent. He has a degree in human behavior and fills a very responsible position with a large corporation, he owns a beautiful home and is a very dedicated father to his two kids 26 and 28 years old. He is handsome and classy with a great sense of humor.

I also have a nice home and a great job which is much more flexible than his and I make great$$$. So I don't "need" this guy ...just really like him. We have been spending the weekends together and he finally met my 13 year old last weekend. Here is my question?

How is this dating thing supposed to go with the way our lives are. Right now I see him every other weekend when my son is at his fathers. Sometimes we get together for dinner or a movie on the weekends my son is with me, but I always feel guilty about not being with my son. During the week mainly because of his intense schedule we don't see each other at all but we talk on the phone for almost an hour every night, which for me is a ridiculous amount of time. However we do have great conversation and the hour seems to fly by. Some would say this is an ideal situation but I am feeling like I want more ...Perhaps it is too soon to feel this way but I only know what I feel. I certainly don't want to become demanding but every other weekend with a man whom I am having a committed monogomous relationship with is just not enough. But I don't know what else there is??? He has discussed the fact that he is not ready to be responsible for a 13 year old and understands that my son is at a critical age and needs lots of attention. But is willing to see how things go (and I guess if he can make that kind of committment)

I am ecstatic on one hand because I finally feel the passion for someone that I never thought I would ever feel again. I am totally turned on by this person and I believe he feels the same. But how does this wild passionate stage develop into that deeper companionate love when we only get to spend two weekends a month together????? Where can this go with all the "baggage" for want of a better term (I do not consider my son baggage) that is involved. Can anyone tell me what to expect, I am sure I am not the only one who has been in this place???? It's all a little daunting. I had promised myself I would not get involved with anyone until my son was out of high school... but who knew? My B/F lives alone, he broke up with a woman about eight months ago and I am sure he doesn't want to live alone forever....Just don't know where to go from here. Sorry this went on so long...just looking for some objectivity here...Can anyone help?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 08-31-2004 - 11:11pm
I've never been in your situation, but I'm wondering about something. Don't most 13 year old boys have friends to see and other activities to do on the weekends, at least some of the time? Does a 13 year old need to be with his mother the entire weekend? Is it possible to see your guy during the weekend days when your son is playing a sport or something?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-01-2004 - 6:11pm
I think your best course of action is to tell this man you would like to see him a little more often. I know that you feel guilty about leaving your son, but he is 13 and should be involved with friends and activities that take up his time. You could see about taking him and his friends to a movie, and you slip into another theatre for a different movie with your sweetie. I know this guy isn't wanting to be a *dad* to your son, but that doesn't mean you can't invite him to watch your son's games (if he's into sports) or something.

But definetly tell him you would like to SEE him more than twice a month.

Good luck!

Alison

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-23-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 11:42am

I'm concerned that your boyfriend hasn't been the one suggesting that you spend more time together.

 Start