I think I have something of an obsessive behaviour when it comes to guys. not guys that I've dated, I've actually never felt very much for anyone that I've dated (dinner and movie type dating) but I fall for friends and then stay in "love" with them for years and years. My first such crush was for a guy in my elementary school. I tried not speaking to him through highschool in order to get rid of those feelings, but we started talking again when I started University. He was dating someone through that time. Eventually, after 10 years of liking him, that somehow faded away over a period of a few months. Once it was gone I found out that his girlfriend had broken up with him, and he was flirting with me (we were always slightly flirtatious through highschool, just over messenger though, so I didn't think anything of it at first). We even went on one date but there was nothing there. Anyway, soon after my feelings for him somehow faded, I got another crush on a new friend (I had only known him for less than a month before I was crazy about him). He turned out to be dating someone as well, so I satisfied myself on being friends. When he broke up with his girlfriend later we started a physical relationship (a few months ended between his break up with his girlfriend, and anything between us). He told me at the time that he wasn't ready for another relationship, and that we would just be better friends. At this point I had been crushing on him for 9 months, so I was happy to go along. He was my first kiss. At 22 years old! Anyway, after a month or so he saw less of me, and when I asked him why, it turned out he had started dating someone he "just fell for". So I wished him luck and tried to separate myself from him. I was going away for a month just before I found out, so it gave me some distraction. I didn't stop thinking about him, and when I came back he had broken up with his girlfriend. Anyway, to make a long story short we again started a physical relationship off and on (though both of us said that we should probably stop. I have gotten really upset at some points, and left him a message once about how upset I was, and when he saw me the next day I was shocked with how much it had affected him, he was really worried about me, and worried that he had been hurting me). I more or less kept what I was feeling to myself (unless i was drunk and sent him drunk upset ICQ messages, bleh!) so we stayed, on the surface, good friends. He left this summer to go study abroad for half the year, and just before he left it was finally good between us. I wasn't upset about how our relationship was. The physical aspect was good (not as great as it had been at the beginning, but I attribute that to my excitedness dissipating) and I even spoke out more, though honestly I wasn't hurting anymore, and he wasn't surprising me with girlfriends (i talked to him fairly firmly about that).
So I thought, well now it's going to be ok. I can use this time that he's away to finally separate myself from him, like I hadn't been able to before. He's been gone for two months now. And I can't stop thinking about him! I think about him maybe 50% of my waking time. I say things in my head like "I love you, I miss you", it'll just pop up in my head. I message him online, though i try to hold back on that, only allowing myself to message him once a week or so. I've finally deleted him from my messenger (just for now, i can add him again later, and he's not blocked so he can reach me if he needs to) to avoid the temptation of messaging him. I thought maybe still having this line of contact was what was making it so hard to detach myself from him. We had talked about this and he thought that perhaps because I had never fooled around with anyone else, whenever I had certain urges, I would think about him. That's possible I agree, though I had this strange crush on him even before anything had happened between us. I want to get over these feelings. I feel like they keep me from forming attachements to other people. I have been going on dates, and I just find myself comparing these people to him. Even though these other guys have so much to offer, this lingering attachment doesn't let me form another... or so i think. I have another smaller attachment to another guy, who i've only seen 4 times in my life, who is not interested in me (except attracted to me physically), and yet I obsess about him too. Argh
The only relationships that I tend not to push away from are makeout style friendships, where the guy is interested in me on a physical level, but not at all emotional. And yet my feelings for them for some reason blow up way out of proportion to the point of controlled obsession.
Help!
I don't know what advice to give other than don't agree to just sexual relationships with guys.
I made out with someone a couple weeks ago. Again, just kissing. But I don't have the attraction to him like the others at all. He did ask for my number, and actually called me. I don't know if he's interested in a relationship or something, but I feel myself wanting to avoid that with him (he is a few years younger and has some strong religious beliefs that I have difficulty understanding).
Anyway, I sort of know WHY i feel the way I do for these other people. It's safe... in a strange way. But I don't want to feel this way. I want to develop feelings for people who ask me out (though I've tried to force myself to have those feelings, and that just doesn't work either). I do the online dating thing to try to increase the number of people that I meet, in hopes of increasing my chances of finding a match. I am open minded when friends introduce me to their friends. My big issue is forming these unrealistic, unreasonable attachments and then having trouble putting those away.