torn and confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-12-2004
torn and confused
2
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 2:13pm
hi. i guess before i start asking my questions let me give you some background. i was with my boyfriend for 3.5 years in college. this past january he decided to break up with me because he needed to explore other aspects of life (partying, meeting girls and just wanting to be single). so, me being supportive i accepted his needs. following our break up, a month later i discovered a letter by him to another girl expressing his feelings for her. i knew it was inevitable; however, what made me angry was him denying feelings for anyone else. he would state that he didnt want to get into another relationship considering he had just gotten out of one. finally, with all the facts that i had on him and his feelings i confronted him with it and ultimately got the truth from him. so of course there was the trust factor that was broken between he and i. during this time, he and i still remain friends because of what we shared. six months go down the road and he says that he has realized what he has done, he is very sorry for lying to me, for breaching the trust that we had, and realized with all that is said and done that he truly wants to be with me and no one else, therefore, wanting to try things again. my answer to him was no because i enjoyed being by myself; however, he persisted being there and showing me that he has changed and really wants to be with me. ultimately, i said yes. things are going well with us but there are days when i reflect back on what he did to me (hurting me by lying and denying wanting to be with someone else). i find myself guarding my heart which causes me, i feel, to question everything about us. i find myself asking him a lot if this is something that he really wants and if he can see himself going back to how he was before. he always says that this is what he wants and he's happy because he's with me and i'm finding that everytime i bring it up he gets annoyed but he handles it because he knows that i need that reassurance because of what happened. my concern is is it fair/healty for him, myself and this relationship what i am doing. (constanly questioning him and the relationship) i know there is relevance to my constant asking why because of the past but people (my boyfriend) can handle too much before they say enough is enough. do you guys have any advice for me. please, im really confused.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 4:40pm
isugar777...

Your post is a classic example of why "2nd time around romances" are tough to pull off! If a man or a woman lies, the trust factor is broken...and there will always be a suspicion that another lie will occur.

Pianoguy has a question for you.

Do you LOVE this man enough to forgive his screw-up AND STOP DWELLING ON THE PAST? Or would you be happier with him OUT OF YOUR LIFE because you'll always be suspicious of his motives?

If you can HONESTLY answer this...and stop giving him the 3rd degree...your relationship has a chance. Otherwise...cut the man some slack and let him find somebody else, while you do the same.

Life is too damn short to regurgitate the past!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Thu, 09-02-2004 - 5:04pm
So the guy found another girl who he was interested in, dropped you, and when it didn't work out with HER, came running back to YOU.

And you're not PIPING MAD???

No doubt you have trust issues, you're probably wondering when he's going to do it again.

You need to sit down and look at things this way: do you really want to make this work? If you are truly happy with this man, you will seek counselling with him to work through the issues. If you have any doubts I say that maybe you should leave him and start fresh.

You want to be someone's princess, not their *in the meantime, til something better comes along* girl.

Alison

Photobucket