Still hurt and confused...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Still hurt and confused...
2
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 5:16pm
I'm sorry for posting yet again, I've probably posted more than anyone on here ever has by now, but I just needed a few more words of support. I'm trying very hard to get on with my life, and somedays I'm ok, others I break down crying and I just feel so horribly heartbroken and confused. I know it probably wouldn't be any easier if he had told me that it was definitely over or why, but it just feels like I've had all this confusion added on top of my pain.

I've been reading a lot about why men do the things they do, and why men ask for or take their space, and it sounds alot like what he's doing to me. He brought up the idea of putting us on the backburner, told me "I'm not going dating or anything", gave me an idea of how long this break would be, and although he never told me that ok this is it, I'm taking that break now, he never told me he wanted to break up either. He just stopped answering my calls, and of all the times I called or emailed and asked him, he never told me it was over either. He also made comments like, "if we broke up, I know we'd get back together," and "I know I could survive the 3 months, but I don't think you would. I think you'd give up." All of these things just go over and over in my head, and yes I know, it sounds obsessive, but I don't do it anywhere near as much as I used to. Just at night and at times through the day when I have nothing to distract me.

I've gotten to the point where I figure what else can I do but do what he said he was going to do, put us on the backburner and see what happens in 3 months. Leave him alone, give him his space and hope that all the things he ever told me are still the truth. Its just so hard at times, and I miss him, and I do get scared that its really over and he's never coming back. And my heart breaks apart everytime I think of all the time he told me that he had total faith in this, that he never ever thought of ending it, how we were going to get married, and where we'd live, and even the talk of what we'd be doing for a vacation at Christmas. And THAT was just a week before this happened. I'll never understand how someone's feelings can change so quickly, never.

I know you've all given me your advice already, and I am doing my best to follow it, I haven't called or emailed him for days and I'm trying to get on with life. But I just feel so foolish for holding out hope, and trying to hang onto the idea that he just needs space. Am I? I don't know...
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2003
Fri, 09-03-2004 - 8:19pm

Wow -- are we the same person?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-30-2004
Sat, 09-04-2004 - 11:24pm
I thought that too when I read your post.. that it sounded like we were going through so many of the same things. That's why I responded to you, to let you know that I knew exactly where you were coming from, going through, everything. And believe me, I know how hard it is.

I have my days where I feel ok, I tell myself that everything will work out and I should just go on with my life and keep that hope inside that he'll call. And then I have days like today, where I get so down and depressed, and I break down crying at everything, and I start wondering if what I feel in my heart is wrong and I get so scared. And sometimes I feel so lost and confused, and it hurts so much and I miss him and I just want him to call and for this to all be over.

I drive myself crazy at times too thinking over conversations we had, trying to find any hint that it was leading up to this and I can't think of anything. All I have is his mention that he wanted to put us on a backburner and pick it up in 3 months, but that was just something he suggested. It wasn't like one day he told me that it was time to do that, he reassures me one day that he doesn't want to end this, and then poof he's gone.

I talked to this girl I know who works at a corner store nearby, and I told her about what was going on and today she tells me that her bf of 3 yrs did exactly the same thing to her. They had a fight one night, and she asked him if he wanted to end it to tell her the next day and then he stopped talking to her for 6 months. And then the day she calls his brother to tell him to come get his stuff, he finally calls her back and they've been together ever since. I mean what is up with these men?? Why do they do this to us??

Some people tell me... oh its over move on forget that jerk, and others tell me he'll call, or give it time see what happens, and I feel like I have no choice but to hang on and wait. I love this guy, he was the one I wanted to spend my life with, he's the one who told me to him this was "the" relationship not just a relationship. I feel in my heart that he'll call, he'll come back, that he just needs time and space, but its so damn hard.

So yah girl, I'm where you are and I hear what you're saying. And I wish I did live closer to you, I feel like I could use a friend near me almost every single day but unfortunately I live in Canada :( But anytime you want to call me or maybe sometime I could call you, or we'll just keep in touch through email, I'd like that. I feel like I could use all the support I can get right now, and I think you could too.

Take care. Be strong and don't give up hope, I haven't.