How men thinks in such situation?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
How men thinks in such situation?
8
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 12:28am
I hope there are some men reading this board, as I want to know what men think and feel. So I'm addressing this to the men:

Say you have a female partner with whom you have had sex. SAy you haven't seen her for a long time and miss her a lot, and when you see her again you, you went out having a great time (including kissing). You met 2-3 times like this, everything great except that each time, when you express the desire to have sex, she ignored it. The last time she ignored it again, you were really upset and gave her an angry bye-bye. You know, however, that she hasn't taken up with any other guy.

My question to you gentlemen is, what would you think of this woman? will you break with the woman because she kept ignoring your request, or will you, after some weeks, go back to her and want to eventually have sex with her again (the desire that hasn't been satisfied).

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 10:44am
There's probably a reason why you are withholding sex. If you are truely ignorng his requests without any honest discussion on why you are withholding, then it comes across as a form of manipulation. Most men have a very low tolerance level for manipulation. If you have a real issue, then talk to him in a clear, concise and honest manner.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 1:49pm
la6me..

Spice.man and Pianoguy are pretty much 'in sync' with our advice. Keep in mind though that every man has a tolerance level...and it varies.

My only question is....when the sex issue is brought up...are you turning him down because you don't want SEX at all? Or just don't want SEX with him? From the many posts I've read (on various boards)...there are women out there who LOVE everything about a guy EXCEPT his behavior/performance/attitude (or all 3) when it comes to SEX. .

You can't force yourself (or be forced by someone) to express a feeling that just isn't there! So...DON'T! Your attitude will probably frustrate the heck out of us...and turn a few of us away from you...but in the long run...you'll be the one who winds up "frustrated"---if you're uncomfortable!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 3:17pm
Thanks for the feedback, but I'd like to clarify that I'm NOT asking for advice what I should do. I just want to know what he possibly thinks, given that he doesn't know everything in my mind (like you). Like you, he is not very clear why I ignored his request. So given what happened, supposing that's all you know, what would you feel and think if you were in a simiar position? Will you hate the woman?

Again, my interest is in HIS state of mind, not MINE.

Thanks in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 5:29pm
la6me...

You're asking Pianoguy to read your b/f's mind! Get your b/f to make a posting on this board with his side of the story...and I can be more objective.

As I tried to explain earlier...each man has his own tolerance level. So predicting how your b/f feels is impossible unless I can get inside HIS HEAD!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 12:17am
Ok, let me ask another question: why do many men take it for granted that their g/f or partners should have sex with them? I mean they are not their wives! Until I'm married, I just don't like the idea that I should always meet his sexual needs. They are adult men, not children, so even though they can't control their libido, they should understand that we women have legitimate reasons not to have sex as often as they want, and they should not make it a deal, like, ok, if you don't give me sex, then let's part. I always want to say to such men: I am not your wife!
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 4:45am
Okay I am interjecting here. Everyone has there own reasons why they do or
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 8:52am
la6me...

Pianoguy doesn't believe that ALL MEN take sex with their partners "as a given!" Many men appreciate the fact that a woman wants to "bond" or share herself in an intimate situation. Granted, SEX is often a logical progression in a relationship...but there still ARE A FEW COUPLES who enjoy each others' company without ending up in bed together!

You DON'T have to do ANYTHING that you DON'T WANT TO! That's why the word: "NO" was invented!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 12:15pm
If sex has been part of a healthy relationship in the past, then the assumption is that it will continue to be part of a healthy relationship going forward. YOU OWN the responsibility to let him know WHY you are saying no if there are perceived problems in the relationship. If you don't do this then he MAY be thinking that you are trying to manipulate him into some result you are seeking.

Did you use sex to try and catch him and now that he is with you, you are now cutting him off for some strange reason?