I need advice!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
I need advice!!!!
3
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 7:09pm
Hi all! Well, I went on a date last night with a guy I met on Friday night while out having a drink with a friend. He seemed really nice, so I gave him my number and he called and we set a date for last night. He took me out to a nice dinner and ice-cream after, then we went back to his house and we sat on his deck and had some wine and talked for hours and we both felt so comfortable with each other and it was so natural. We both are very affectionate and passionate and both are looking for a long-term relationship and have so much in common that I was having some intense feelings (and it was only the first date) YIKES! There's one major problem. We started talking about children and I want children more than anything in this world and he wants a family, the thing is I had a miscarriage almost 10 years ago that left me unable to have children naturally. I was 4 months preg and got kicked in the stomache and they had to remove part of my uterus, so I had always thought I would adopt or surrogacy and so far that hasn't been an issue in any of my past relationships, but with this guy he REALLY wants a family and told me that what he wants and how much he wants a loving wife and a good solid marriage. I mean this guy is everything I've been looking for...I didn't feel like divulging too much info (it being a first date and all) but what should I do. I mean I like him and don't want to stop seeing him, but shouldn't I be honest about my situation and if so, then how long should I wait to say something?

HELP--thanks for any advice...Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 7:18pm
jen102774,

Pianoguy thinks it's WONDERFUL that the 2 of you 'hit it off' after just one date...BUT...how in the world can you determine your future with ANY man based on ONE DATE? That's like buying a car you liked in the showroom...without having a chance to drive it!

Wouldn't YOU like to get to know this man for at least a month? Maybe 2 or 3? The issues of having children...or even adopting...could be 'addressed more comfortably' after a little more time together!

What's the rush?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-22-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 8:33pm
I agree, but the reason I felt like it needed to be addressed is that he put a lot out there on our first date. Like what he wants out of life and how he really wants children, so I don't want to waste either of our times if he's not open to adoption. It's not me who wanted to bring it up, but I don't want to fall for someone that it wouldn't work out with...thanks

Jen
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 12:56am
Usually when anyone starts talking about marriage and children on the first date they are in fantasy mode.

I would not be worried about things at this point. Give it time, see if you even want to continue seeing this guy, much less marry and raise children with him.

Also, personally, when I've had some wine, I can say all kinds of things, have all kinds of feelings... spend some time together with just tea or coffee, then figure out how you want to proceed.

A~