what should I do about my dilemma...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
what should I do about my dilemma...
Mon, 09-06-2004 - 7:35pm
I was in a serious relationship for 3 1/2 years and ended it in June 2003 because I was afraid of committment and afraid that I was going to be with this guy for the rest of my life. I started to look at the flaws in our relationship and ended it abrubtly without discussing anything or trying to work it out any further. Our sex life was in turmoil (I had to beg for sex), we didn't do things together like we did before, it just wasn't the same, I was pretty much doing my own thing all the time.

Over the course of the year he tried hard to get me back but I wouldn't go back to him and was with a guy friend with benefits (Joe) at the time as well, the ex (Larry) knew I was with Joe. I knew nothing was going to get serious with Joe and didn't want to pursue anything further so we had cut off all ties. At the same time I was hanging out with Larry even though he was dating someone else at the time but was nothing serious as well. When Larry and I were hanging out we started to have feelings for one another again and we both broke up with Lisa and Joe and decided to try it out. Nothing more than hanging out and getting to know one another again. One promise to one another was not contact the previous person that we were with prior.

Anyhow, I ended up getting pregnant from Larry,...and since we weren't together, nor living together I've decided to abort the baby. He knows all that is going on and wanted to keep the baby.

Just recently it was Joe's birthday and I sent him an e-card. Leaving my email open one day Larry seen the card and walked out on me. But it didn't take him long to go running back with Lisa who he dumped for me two months before. I was upset and hurt that he could just forget about us and go running back to her with no attempt to resolve the situation.

Then have recently found out that he was dating me and her at the same time (to which he denies). Lisa says that they have been talking and hanging out for the past 3 weeks (to which he denies). I work out of town so I fly back to town every weekend. If it wasn't for a phone call from a friend I wouldn't have known that he went running back to her. And recently slept with her (coming from Lisa), when I asked him that, he had a snicker on his face like he was enjoying every minute of my hurt and anguish and was proud of his endeavors.

I have spoken to Lisa and told her about the situation and that he had dumped her for me two months ago and now I am 2 mos. pregnant with his kid. Lisa didn't know anything about Larry dating me nor me been pregnant. Hearing that made me feel utterly cheap and like I was nothing to him.

After Larry and I laid everything on the table, I still love him and want to be with him and spend the rest of my life with him and he wants the same as well. Larry and I are both willing to forgive and forget everything in the past year that has happened and start fresh. Even though we have plenty of things to discuss and straighten away, we are not jumping into it with full force but gradually see how things will go and let nature take its course. I told Larry that it is going to take time and a lot of patience to regain his trust, respect, honesty and faithfulness.

Is this the right thing to do? Or should I forget about Larry all together and move on? Was that his way of getting back at me for the e-card was to go running back to Lisa? Does he really care about me and our future or is playing me for a fool?


Edited 9/6/2004 7:48 pm ET ET by nsabourin2004