What are signs of a re-bounder?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
What are signs of a re-bounder?
4
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 12:56pm
I just recently started talking/dating a guy who had a long term live in relationship with his ex that ended just this last May. Does it be too soon for him to be dating or will the women be his rebound?
Avatar for unsure4now
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-02-2003
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 3:04pm
Everyone moves at their own pace jessiann. Some people can dive in head first to a serious relationship, even after a break up from a long term relationship. My feeling & experience is most should try to take a breather, date around, and assess themselves for a while before committing. That way, hopefully negative patterns won't repeat.

I did begin to date a guy who ended a 9 year relationship this past February. With him, I could just tell he was still grieving, but it's not always the case. I let him go because he just wasn't over it, but some people heal faster. It's all individual if you ask me!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2004
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 3:28pm
Thanks for the advice. I really dislike to judge others on that subject. As, I would not want anyone to judge me. I ended a 5 year relationship 8 months ago, which we mutually ended it because we were growing apart. I have guys hesitate to have anything serious with me just on that alone! I never speak of my ex it is part of my past. But it bugs me that one would assume. So, I will go ahead and date this guy and see. : )
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2004
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:21pm
Every person is different...has he dated (even just a date) since the breakup or are you the first? If you aren't the first, I would tend to err on the side of caution and go slowly. Not every person has a rebound person, and maybe his last one was his...you never know. I had a long term live in relationship that ended the end of January, and I'm ready to move on...
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 10:18am
I think that in order to truly find out if your new guy is just rebounding you have to sit them down and ask some straight-up questions. And your answer does not always lie in the direct answers, sometime you have to read between the lines.

I recently ended my new relationship with my boyfriend after accepting that he is still grieving over his ex. Instead of severing the ties and moving on, he continuosly feels the need to 'fix' himself. And the only way he feels he can do that is by spending time with her and God. Obviously I didn't fit anywhere into the equation and although it hurt a great deal to end things with him, you have to put yourself first and not be a doormat.