ex contacting after breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-18-2004
ex contacting after breakup
5
Tue, 09-07-2004 - 10:21pm
He broke up with me about a month ago. I think he got angry, as we were having a fight. He said 'his heart was not there for me', he would want to stay friens as he liked me, but he would not want to 'sucumb to his libido' as he was attracted to me. I find all this very confusing. Anyhow, I've been avoiding any contacts with him. Last week he droped an envelope with photographs to my mailbox, I did not acknowledge that. Now today I got a message, very casual asking how I'm doing. I wonder if he's trying to get back together or is it his 'just friends' thing. I'm not sure if I should reply and what should my actions be?? I believe in NC after the breakup, and am not ready for friendship yet. But what if he wants to reconcile? Another thing is, his birthday is next week, and I'm agonizing whether to send him a card or not?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 12:41pm
I think the best thing to do in situations like this is to make clear that you only want to hear from him if he is serious about trying again, and that you're not ready to be friends yet. I'd send him an email saying something like, "I need to take some time with no contact in order to move on. I will contact you when I'm ready to be friends. In the meantime, I would appreciate it if you would only contact me if you are serious about giving us another try. Otherwise, I'd prefer that you not contact me."

That way, you have made your position clear: you're open to trying again, and he is free to contact you if that's his intention, but if he just wants to "be friends" then he should not contact you.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 1:19pm
do not answers he is using you
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-13-2004
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 3:11pm
I think if you're not ready to be his friend, don't call him back it will hurt you if he called you as a friend. Some guys do that and give a wrong ideas to the women and if you talk with him he may want to find out if you still love him and he may try and try to play with you. Unless you tell him to be serious and that time to call you.

When you are clear about yourself and when you don't think about him. It's time to talk like friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2004
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 9:07pm
Hi Socofus,

I just read your message and I think you should not send your ex anything for his birthday.I was in a three year relationship and it took me soo long to get over it. However, my ex was seeing someone within three months. And for the holidays, he called my best friend and wished her happy holidays and did not evern bother to call me. So I think don't bother and go out and enjoy and meet new people. B/C I think they really don't care. That's my opinion. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 12:12pm
Keep up the good work: no contact!! Don't send him a card. Even if he wanted to reconcile...didn't he just tell you that his heart wasn't in it, but he was interested in you physically? Let someone else be his booty call.