came out of nowhere

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
came out of nowhere
4
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 3:43pm
My boyfriend and I have dated twice. Once for about six months and then he broke up with me and started dating one of his friends, the other for a year and a half. He decided to break up with me two days ago and it came as a complete shock. I just moved away about a month ago and we have been a semi-long distance (90 miles) relationship since. He stopped answering my calls over the weekend or would turn the phone off so he wouldn't have to hear it ring. When he finally does call he said that he wanted to break up because he was sad and too stressed to stay together. He also added that he had a party at his house and the temptation was there (supposedly he met some girl and she asked for his number but he turned her down....supposedly). I drove up to see him and see if somehow we could work through this and he wouldn't get near me when I tried to touch him. He also had a real hard time looking me in the eye. He cried a lot and then asked me to leave because I was making it harder for him to do what was best. He promised that he didn't cheat but he did in the last relationship so I'm really concerned. I didn't want to date him the second time because of our first relationship but he talked me into it and vowed never to hurt me again. He truly did treat me wonderfully for about eight months and then it just started to fall apart slowly with ex-girlfriends calling and a gradual loss of interest. Fights became violent before I moved and now he is drinking uncontrollably. What happened? Could it be cheating? Wanting freedom? I just don't know.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-04-2004
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 4:03pm
"Fights became violent before I moved and now he is drinking uncontrollably"

That's all I have to hear to tell you to take these 90 miles between you and embrace it with open arms. Fights should NEVER get violent. And if he is driking, I can only imagine.

Why do you want to be with someone who won't return your calls, or wants to breakup with you when he finally does? You deserve so much better. Give him his space and enjoy it

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 09-08-2004 - 5:03pm
Sounds like he's got some issues and you don't need to be there to help him figure them out. Also sounds like he's either cheating or is breaking up to be with someone else. I wouldn't bother with this guy, find someone who will have more respect for you!

Also with the drinking and violence, THAT IS A MAJOR WARNING SIGN! This man's abuse will escalate if you stay with him, so you are better off staying away. If you put up with it now, it will go up, then you put up with that, so he will do more until you find yourself black and blue! That's the scary truth of abusive people. So please think of yourself.

So take some time to figure out what you have learned from this relationship and move on.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-08-2004
Thu, 09-09-2004 - 1:05pm
Well I think that #1 if he's violent you should not be with him. I have this 1 friend who had a violent boyfriend, we all saw it, but she just kept making excuses for him and going back with him. He was also a cheater. Then finally he ended up breaking her nose, her parents put her into counseling, and shes finally no longer with him. It just seems like you are too good for this person, you seem very smart and it seems like he has alot of growing up to do. I do have faith that guys that cheat can change and be faithful once they meet the right person but if he was at a party and wouldn't pick up thats a weird sign. Did and then this night at the party didn't then i'm sorry to have to be the one to tell you but something probabaly was going on. Knowing whats best for yourself in the long run and doing something about it is def. not always easy but I think you'll be a stronger person for walking away from this relationship. It doesn't seem like he even makes you happy anymore he only makes you sad. Good luck!! I'm rooting for u
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 1:25am
It could be alcoholism, cheating, immaturity, abuse...this guy is such a waste of your time. I'm sure you've heard this one: first time, shame on you; second time, shame on me!!

The party and the girl aren't as important as figuring out why you are with someone who has hit you and dumped you for some other girl. What could he have possibly said to make you take him back?? I don't want to imply that you deserve what you get...no one deserves this treatment. What I'd like for you to examine is WHY he's treating you like this? I think it's because you took him back. He can't mistreat you if you're not in the picture.