Enagement /move in mix up
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Enagement /move in mix up
| Thu, 09-09-2004 - 10:30pm |
Ok I need some serious advice. This is a bit long so here goes. I am 23 my boyfriend is 27.We have been together for about 7 months. He owns a single family home.
Sometime within the first 2 months we were dating he basically asked me if i would like to move in one day when he got the house togther(he is remodeling it). I said yeah and that was the end of the convo. He began asking me for advice on the house like floor plans,colors of tile, etc all the time saying well if you are going to eventually move in you should help me pick this stuff out now so you dont hate it later.Me LOVING design like I do and loving him happily went along with it. Lately I am begining to realize that I am not comfortable picking out furniture with him and basically telling people we are moving in together without us being engaged.(P.S. the house isnt even close to being livable lets say in maybe 6 months it will be almost completely done) I dont know if you would call this old fashioned but for myself I would like to be engaged, wait at least 3-6 months, pick out house and probably move in before the wedding. This whole time we have been together its kind of like I knew that he wanted to marry me get engaged to me etc but whenever I began to talk about something remotely close to the topic of engagement he would say just trust me i want to do things right for you bc you deserve that, do things the right way. Well I didnt realize how much it had been bothering me until the other day i was talking to my mother about the cabinets we were picking out for "our" kitchen and she asked exactly what is going on there? ANd i began to cry the reason being...I want my engagement! So I went to my boyfriend to try to talk to him about things but somehow they came out wrong and now he thinks i want to move in right now! He knows my parents would only respect me moving in with someone if i was engaged to them and that was basically the only part of engagement we spoke about during our convo. Im afraid by accidentally comitting to move in early I have taken away from the true meaning of getting engaged. I dont want him to get me a ring just so I can move in. I dont a ring that says will you move in with me?
Sometime within the first 2 months we were dating he basically asked me if i would like to move in one day when he got the house togther(he is remodeling it). I said yeah and that was the end of the convo. He began asking me for advice on the house like floor plans,colors of tile, etc all the time saying well if you are going to eventually move in you should help me pick this stuff out now so you dont hate it later.Me LOVING design like I do and loving him happily went along with it. Lately I am begining to realize that I am not comfortable picking out furniture with him and basically telling people we are moving in together without us being engaged.(P.S. the house isnt even close to being livable lets say in maybe 6 months it will be almost completely done) I dont know if you would call this old fashioned but for myself I would like to be engaged, wait at least 3-6 months, pick out house and probably move in before the wedding. This whole time we have been together its kind of like I knew that he wanted to marry me get engaged to me etc but whenever I began to talk about something remotely close to the topic of engagement he would say just trust me i want to do things right for you bc you deserve that, do things the right way. Well I didnt realize how much it had been bothering me until the other day i was talking to my mother about the cabinets we were picking out for "our" kitchen and she asked exactly what is going on there? ANd i began to cry the reason being...I want my engagement! So I went to my boyfriend to try to talk to him about things but somehow they came out wrong and now he thinks i want to move in right now! He knows my parents would only respect me moving in with someone if i was engaged to them and that was basically the only part of engagement we spoke about during our convo. Im afraid by accidentally comitting to move in early I have taken away from the true meaning of getting engaged. I dont want him to get me a ring just so I can move in. I dont a ring that says will you move in with me?
Please help me turn this around into what I want.

I think I forgot to mention the fact that I am studying to be an interior designer so Im sure I brought some of this on myself I got so caught up in it and was going full speed ahead.
I need to slow it down and back things up a bit and try to do it all without hurting his feelings.
If you two are meant to spend the rest of your lives together, then there should be no rush, right?
Alison
Your boyfriend keeps saying "I'll do right by you, you deserve it."
Simply tell him that "right by you" by your standards and requirements is a ring on your finger, a date about 3 months away on the books, and a chapel booked before you move in.
Lots of engagements don't end in marriage.
Statistically speaking, more divorced couples lived together prior to marriage than those that did not.
Erin
quickblade14@hotmail.com