What the @#% do I do now?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
What the @#% do I do now?
5
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 11:22am
Greetings all,

Ypu may recall that I posted a while back and had a big problem. I'll gove you a little history. I met this guy in February, we became friends,and then lovers. But we were lovers with no strings attached. Much to my dismay, he was not interested in pursuing a committed relationship at the time. The sex was great and I wanted to continue sleeping with him so I agreed to our " sex with no strings" relationship. That was my first mistake, 6 months later I have developed feelings for this man that can be felt in other places besides between my legs. I love him. and I think he knows it. I also think that he feels things for me that he is afraid of, because every time we get closer, or too close for comfort he backs off. I'll get to the nuts and bolts of this post though.

The otehr day I called him over to my house to do a favor for me ( about the house strictly business) after he had finished he sat down on the couch and we talked briefly.

Then out of no where he started talking to me real disrespectfully, I told him he was hurting my feelings and he left. He was not immediately appologetic either. In fact I had to totally go off on him before he realized how bad he had hurt me. Then he was all apologetic with the " baby I'm sorry" act. I don't think I should believe him I think I have put myself in a bad situation. You all remember I told you before that I moved to be closer to him " at his request" ( I am renting his house ) and now it's like he does not even like me anymore. I have not done anything to warrant this behavior and I am really confused about what to do next. I really did have sincere feelings of love for him, but he killed it and he keeps killing it, What should I do?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 12:57pm
You have realized that this man is not going to give you what you are looking for and now it's time to move on. The mistake you made here, that you now realize, is that by giving in to his terms when wanting more only led you to heartache. Now you know better. If you're looking for a commitment, don't give in to just being a sex partner. Demand more for yourself, you'll be glad you did.

That said, I think you should find your own place and stop talking with him. He wants to keep you around for sex, but will not go to the next level with you. You should end all contact with him until you can truly just be friends and not be in the position to easily give in to sex with him.

End it now before he finds something *better* and starts actually dating her and leaves you hanging.

Go out and find the relationhip you deserve, do NOT settle.

Alison

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2004
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 12:25pm
I have been in your type of dilemma as well but the guy didn't say or do anything to hurt me in anyway by no means whatsoever. I was dating a guy for a year and wasn't thinking anything serious about the relationship because neither was he...but we have decided to go our seperate ways because we respected the friendship enough to let the friends with benefits go. And we both found that if we did carry on our friendship that it would kill us both and found that our friendship was much stronger than just sleeping with each other. Now we confide in each other and talk on a regular basis and it has not become nothing more than that. I think your guy friend has mixed feelings and should screw his head on a little bit tighter because here he says that he doesn't want anything serious and then asks you to move closer to him and rent his house and now he doesn't want anything to do with you. I think he has lead you on and now leaving you a stray...he got what he wanted and now he wants nothing more. Just don't contact him and leave it "strictly business" in regards to the renting of the house. If you can't handle the situation, move out and move on with your life because if he doesn't have the same feelings as you, you can never make someone love you...

He is more scared of committing I think than anything else....

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 3:10pm
I know you signed a year's lease, but it sounds like he's regretting renting the house to you. What other reason would he have for treating you that way without provocation? That, in addition to not spending any time with you since you moved there, indicates he has had second thoughts about renting to you. I think you should talk to him about canceling the lease without penalty and look for another place to live. You won't be able to move on as long as you stay in contact with him, and living in his property will force you to do that from time to time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-27-2004
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 4:53pm
You don't know what you are talking about. The fact that we have not seen each other

Has nothing to do with the business aspect of renting his house. What I do kno about this man is that he does not make rash or hasty decisions... He does indeed want me to rent his house, but the reasons why may not have been clarified as of yet. I appreciate you trying to help, BUt it sounds to me like you are bitter about something and you are giving out bad advice just for the hell of it.. I do not have to see him to send him a rent check every month..
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 5:26pm
Well of course I'm not in your situation and can only make guesses as to what motivated him to treat you badly. But how does a guess or an opinion make me bitter? If you're happy with where you live, and accepting of him as your landlord then fine. It's certainly possible that any advice I give to anyone may not be the best thing for them to do in any situation, but it was given with best of intentions and there's no need to be defensive. The mature thing to do is to ignore any advice if you feel it doesn't apply to you. You don't have to like anyone's advice, or accept it in anyway, but I assure you that it's easy to tell when an opinion or advice is offered from a hidden agenda in an attempt to harm and when it's not.