x and sex imediatly after split? why?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
x and sex imediatly after split? why?
4
Fri, 09-10-2004 - 9:00pm
Hello everyone! I broke up with my X boyfriend of 8 years 2 months ago. He had always had intimacy issues and only wanted to see me on the weekends for our entire relationship so naturally I wanted more. He couldnt give it to me so I made the tough decision and broke it off with him. The reason for his solitude and Living alone: His brother lived with him and committed suiside 6 months before I met him. His brother did it in my xs and his living room at the time with a gun. Jeff came home only to find his brothers head half on him and the walls. This was his only sibling- I stepped into something I had not known would be an 8 year struggle. Well I always urged him to get help but refused. So this is my problem. After we broke up I came over 2 months later to find in his medicine cabinet some rasberry flavored lube- made by forplay or something. He was sad when we decided to split, hanging pictures of me various places around the house. He told me that those memories of me were all he had left. Well back to the lube- Is it kosher for a man to start having sex imediatley after or 2 months after breakup? Why do they do this? help please stacy
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2003
Sat, 09-11-2004 - 6:47am
Could be many things... a boost to his ego, to proof that "he's still a man", a susbstitute for alcohol, to "get back at women", depression, etc...who knows? Men don't cry over a break up, they are practical and think that there is a world of women out there, so they better explore it as soon as posible. In their minds they've lost one woman but they can date several. We, women, on the other hand cry and whine and "remember" every good moment and memory hoping he'll get back to us. However, all this only delays the healing process.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 09-12-2004 - 12:14pm
Because it's fun?? Not everyone shuts down when they split up with someone...emotionally they don't want a relationship, but getting out there and playing the field...both men and women do that.
Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Mon, 09-13-2004 - 1:02pm
Seems easier for men to just go and have sex, i know this sounds sexist but it's such a physical thing for a man to need sex and women get all emotional over things. He probably misses you like crazy after eight years together and is using sex as a substitute for affection rather than let go emotionally to you because you're someone he's scared of losing(like his brother). sounds crazy that he's scared of losing you even when you've split but it makes it easier for him not to get overly dependent upon you in case he loses you anyway. He could probably do with berievement counselling even if you don't get back together so he can 'let go' of these feelings.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-01-2004
Wed, 09-15-2004 - 12:15pm
Thank you for your words- It makes me feel better to hear that. I wish he would have gotten counseling and I wish he would still- probroly wont, he would never listen to me about it back then and not now- but Ill still pray. thanks again stacy