Just one of the guys

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2004
Just one of the guys
2
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 8:08pm

Hoping for some advice here. I am recently divorced - was with my ex (dating and marriage) for the last 5 years. During that time, I became friends with a lot of men as many of the girls I knew were always interested in going out to "hook up" and I, obviously, was not. The men I became friends with knew I was married and that I was a very down-to-earth, honest woman so they felt like they could talk to me about their dating dilemnas. I would never change the past with these men and they are all great friends but, as my life has changed now, my outlook on these friendships has changed. I am getting tired of being "one of the guys" and, when I meet someone new, my guy friends all tell the new guy what a perfect woman I am and how great I am to hang around. All of this seems to have one of two effects though: the new guy wants to be my "buddy" too, or the new guy gets intimidated by my friendships with so many men and he runs away.

I am really trying to find my place in the "dating" world now and I could really use some help. Any advice on how I can be seen as a woman again and not just another one of the guys would be greatly appreciated.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-2004
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 9:46pm

Well, one suggestion would be to not let your guy friends meet the new guy(s) in your life until you are more established with them. That way, you don't have to worry about what effect your friends' comments have on the new guys.

But in general, I think it just takes time to adjust to dating life again.

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-23-2005
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 6:09pm
I have to agree with ioveranalyze. Keep the guy friend away from the guy you're interested, at least for the moment. I'm also "one of the guys" most of the time, but if I meet a guy I'm interested I keep the chatter about my guy friends down and try to only have my girl friends or attached guy friends with their girlfriends/wives around. I find that the girls help keep the guys from scaring away the potential guy. But don't be afraid to introduce him to your guy friends once you feel comfortable in your relationship. That's what I found works anyway.