paying 2

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
paying 2
16
Sun, 03-19-2006 - 10:52pm

So as u know, I have spoken to my boyfriend. We are both 20. I told him i like to be treated more and felt like he should pay a bit more for me bc he doesnt....he likes to split and we have been going out 6 months and feel like as my boyfriend he should wanna pay for me sometimes and not wanna split every cent.

So iI just got back from NY for the weekend. so we just split a cab from the bus station. ugh..it was like 45 w tip so i take out like 22 and hes like do u have a 20 bc he said he had only higher bills im like NO and hes like
o i found one. its like he wanted me to pay. anyway. So this is how the NY weekend went. Friday. We took 3
trains to the bus and rode the bus for 4 hrs. took a cab to his place and it
was 9 bucks. hes like lets split it. i take out a 5 and hes like u have a 10
bc i dont have change. im like oh ok. I take out a 10 and hes like ill pay u
back. he suggests dinner. we arrived at like 9 and he suggests a fancy place
downtown and im like no bc i dont wanna take a cab and deal w that so i
suggest somewhere aroud the area so we can walk and not worry about splitting the cab the dinner..... it was good. he paid the 60 bucks but it
was mostly his and his dessert. he knew he had to pay since this the
was the first time we have gone out since the talk where i told him he should prob treat me more and i expected that. After its like 11 and we r
tired so he has to watch basketball. I watch for an hr with him bc im nice
and then we watch scream and sleep. I wake up at 6 am bc construction
outside his building. we go to like Soho area We split one thing for lunch and he pay
and then we decided to share another cheap thing and he like makes eyes like
i should so i pay. so i do. Everything down the middle as usual. Then we were
gonna c a movie but i decided not to bc i didnt feel like it being akward w
who has to pay what so i said we should a movie at his house. On
the way I get a coffee and pay for it.He never offers even if i say ill pay
he never stops me or treats me. Then we watched the movie. We decide to get
tickets for a broadway show and he wants to on sunday. I wantd the cheap 40
dollar seats but he was like lets get the 110 dollar ones. Im like ok. ill
save my money w other things then bc its NY and vacation. He pays using his
dads credit card which he has no max haha and hes like pay me back. So I'm
smart and pay at dinner so i dont have to pay much more at dinner. The bill
for the broadway show is 112 each bc i saw and then he tells me its 120..and
he obviously lied to me. So we take a cab to dinner, a nice french bistro.
I owe him 120 for the broadway ticket so I have to pay for the cab on the way to dinner. It;s 13
but he keeps the 20 We have dinner. We decide to have a little wine w dinner
and he orders the HALF BOTTLE hahaha i thought it was funny and hes like
people do it all the time..its trendy. The bill comes. He ate dessert i
didnt. The bill i is 118 or something. I give him the 100 dollar i owe him
for the broadway. Hes like oh.. for tip, can u give 20 bucks more and ill put
down 20 too. im like okay. I dont say anythng on the cab ride back and make
him pay bc i dont offer.so we pay and i dont even wanna go anywhere else
after bc i dont want more money and akwardness. He wanted to watch the
sopranos and it was so boring and he knew i hated it but hwe watched and then
some boring show called Big Love which i got up in the middle to text bc i
was so bored but hey. i dont count right. So the next day i wake up and
shower and do my hair and pack. We go for lunch and we each order our own
thing at city something cafe like a pick up place like Dean and delucas or
something. So my order is ready first but i pretend to not notice so maybe he would pick up the cheap tab.then my boyfrend is
like yo ur order is ready u should go to the counter. so i do and pay for
mine...again..whatever..its lunch and he pays for his. we decide to share a
brownie for dessert and he rips off a small bite for me and eats the rest but
im on the phone and hes like woops i forgot to split it.. As we walk he is
very cocky. Like. I ask questions or say something and he either doesnt
answer back or answer back till much later or he like cuts me off. He always
acts like he is right and it amkes me feel dumb. We take a cab to the
show on broadway and he says u mind paying for this one since i got the last
one. im like fine. So we have our bags to check in bc he called b4 to find
out if we could keep our bags at the show. They make us pay 2 bucks to store
em. He takes out 1 dollar and asks me if I have a dollar bc he doesnt. Im
like fine. After this, I was cold and distant to him the whole day.
he knew something was wrong but figured i was just tired. We left the show and he messed up the bus times
and i kinda ignored him the 4 hr bus ride back. he messed up the train times
too bc he is so perfect and we had to wiat over 2 hrs so im like no. lets
just take a cab back to school I told u, it was 45 and i take out a 20 and he
is like u have a 20 bc i dont have chnage. and i said NO. and i said bye and
i walked to my room. hes asked me 4 times if i had fun in NY and i say yep. I
was just so annoyed. I told him how i fwlt before about his actions and plus
this is common knowledge about boyfriend situations. he should know this. he should know what to do. even if i am his first girlfriend. like he should wanna treat me like one....and
i told him so wtf is his deal..it makes every action akward and stops me from
wanting to c a freakin movie or get a coffee or go out to eat On the plus I
feel comfortable around him and we get along. Am i just searching too deep
into this bc he makes me feel cheap and stupid a lot of the times. I think he
is cheap. I should be like how about u go to a nice ddinner ALONE and dont
worry about it then. I suggested we dont do broadway or go to eat fancy and
he was like I wanna. i did this so maybe if he had money issues. but he
pushed for it. I feel like sometimes we are not even a couple bc he doesnt
treat me like one in the day usually. Like, I like him sometimes but shouldnt
i get someone who treats me better? I feel like even I would make a better
boyfriend. He tal;ks to me non stop about cars and sports and knows i hate
thta and dont care. I don talk about pedicures or girly shows w him or make
him watch that like he made me. I dont care if it IS his house...He acts so
cocky like he knows everything and tries to prove me wrong and if i get
something right and he doesnt he tries to justify hiomself or he says oh good
call and says that 6 times but u know he feels ashamed. Like what happened. I
like him in school but on vacations..like i feel he doesnt care. like when we
walk in the street when im in boots or regular he crosses the street and
doesnt even see if im next to him. im usually behind him a lot. but what if i
didnt cross the street..he wouldnt notice. I dont feel like i have a man by
my side to protect me kind of. Like if we were lost in the woods he wouldnt
like be supportive. I dont know i canty explain it. Like he wouklnt treat me
like a lady i dont know. Im so confused bc i do like him sometimes...

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 6:11am

After reading everything you wrote, I'm wondering why you're with him. He is who he is. He's not going to change. You talked to him and he's still doing the same things. If you want a man who will treat you and take you out, then you have the wrong man here. This guy is getting all the benefit of being in a relationship without having to really do too much.


The fact that you wrote all this seems to me that the bad is outweighing the good. This will probably only worsen over time.


What are his good qualities? Why do you like him?


iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:43am

We feel comfortable around each other, I used to smile around him a lot, we like the same food and going out and to parties, we used to talk non stop forever, we talk on aim a lot, i dont know i like him...but sometimes.AHHHH

Like, AFTER i had a talk w him, he still asks me to split almost everything. He took me to dinner once. Ok.the thing is, I dont even care about the money..it has just blown up for some reason in my head and makes me see how he acts towards me. I was depressed yesterday when we were coming back from NY...and he knows it..Isn;t it funny how he asked if I had a dolar for the coat check at the show and then magically had that dollar for the split cab ride home...The cab ride was 45. hes like ya we should pay 22 or 23 each. So i take out 22 and hes like oh..I guess Ill give an extra dollar. So all of a sudden he pays 23 and where did those 3 dollars come from if he hd no dollars for the coatcheck? We did not buy anything after that and i know it must have been there anyway. Im fed up with him..but I feel like Im gonna miss him bc i really do like him and feel I might regret it..and the whole drama is gonna be terrible. I need a few days to think about ending this..What should I consider. Like...on the street, even tho he is a fast walker and from NY, and Im not, he knows I walk slower and have asked him so many times if he could walk next to me..and hes like sorry and keeps doing it. We have small arguments in which he is always like No..im right...or no..how would u think that...I dont feel smart around him..then he asks me my opinions when he doesnt know..like stupid stuff and puts it into my hands like where we should sit..so he walks to the middle of the bus for our way back from NY and hes like where u wanna sit here? he points to a 2 sets of seats and im like ya here..later in the bus ride hes like u chose the one set of seats where the air doesnt close.....
Im like uhhh...whatever. its like ahh
-on another note, a half botle of the cheapest wine?He wanted to take me to this nice place for dinner on our 2 day trip and he couldnt get better lol.
The worst part for me I think was the sports and that movie or two i didnt like. I still had to watch them even tho he knew i didnt like them. he didnt ask really if i wanted to watch them. he really wanted tosee sopranos so fine..Im a nice person..but i comnstantly feel in my mind that i know what a boyfriend should do and compare him to other people like my dad and past guys..like wouldnt they change the channel? I got up to leave at one point during the second show bc i didnt like it..and he knew it but whatever he didnt care ..he sat there..he also knows i hates sports..so the first night we get there, how can he make me watch that for an hr..whatever. I just have diff guest ideas.
I also feel like he only holds my hand like at night or when we r on a bus or something. I feel like I know when hes gonna hold my hand. I hate walking w him on the street. I had a terribe tme w him in NY when it didnt involve staying alone in his house when we were TALKING to each other or like kissing. We like argue but not meanly about everything..he always tries to prove he is right..
Why isnt he paying for me at all. I feel cheap and it makes me act cold and distant and affects me a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 11:16am
As he watched basketball. maybe itwas the fact that he asked me to give him "dome" TWICE on diff occasions while watching it and i said no. also, the first night we got there hes like we r having sex both nights wooooooo we have to we r gonna! he was a little buzzed but i felt like a cheap doll for sex lol. like he is 20 but come on
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 1:35pm
I spoke to him and told him eveyrthing and said that's not what i expect of a boyfriend and I told him everything that bothered me. The money thing he was clueless he thought he had fixed it and thought NY went ok..im not even gonna argue that again..I told him he acts superior, cocky, ignores me a lot, walks in front of me..and i feel like crap..He's like sorry..I'll try and change and i told him I want a break. He is really sad and wants me back...A break..just a break, not a break up, hes like i dont wanna c anyone else. im like im not right now either. He told me it would be our 6 months on this thurs, and im like ya, im sure we would have gone out to celebrate...bc hes not sweet like that. if he were smart hed buy some flowers come to my room and say sorry..hes an idiot whose waiting around. someone else asked me out from another college. I dont know what to do. I wanna c what its like to date others and how other guys treat me.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:07pm

You can find better men. You seem more concerned about being perceived as "nice" rather than standing up for yourself and having a discussion. Afterwards you feel resentful. This guy might not be the guy for you. And, yes, he knows perfectly well he's trying to nickle and dime you out of as much money as possible.

Learn how to speak up.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:35pm

I did speak up I told him everything bothering me

Like..if he really wanted me and i told him he doesnt treat me like a gf..and someone else would..wouldnt he be smart if he bought some roses and came to my door and said sorry. i really like u..ill try and change. then id be like ok. but hes just waiting around like an idiot. i want him to show me,..and im not gonna take him back until

he told me on AIM today that thurs would be our 6 mnth anniversary and im like so what..we prob wouldnt even ahve celebrated it anyway..he said nothing

why wont he do something nice for me..how long do I wait and what signs am i looking for on this " break"

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
In reply to: tunatartar
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 6:45pm
The question is... how long are you willing to accept this behavior?
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2006
In reply to: tunatartar
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 9:04am

another thing i remembered is that he always checks himself out in the mirrors..for like 10 seconds..he like stops and also he makes "jokes" how he lieks my sunglasses bc he can see his reflection. why is he so cocky. hes not even that cute! I hate cocky..Its been 3 days on our break and im fine..i mean i miss him a little sometimes but 3 days isnt a big deal

Last night we had an argument. i told him how I got to a location and hes like thats the wrong way, ur supposed to go this way and on and on he said it. and i showed him the website and i was right and i said stop trying to talk down to me and lecture me. I can find my own way..stop being so condescending to me..u make me feel inadequate..this is during our break how funny that he would still do that and not try to impress me.
he said sorry

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
In reply to: tunatartar
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 2:13pm

Having a discussion about your true feelings and what you expect from him in the future is one thing. Telling your SO when he has his little paw outstretched for your cold hard cash, "Honey, I don't have any cash for the cab or this dinner so you are going to have to pick up the tab." or "No, half the bill is NOT $50 it's $35.27" (and then handing him exact change because you had the forsight to get some change before you left) is the most effective course of action with this guy.

Sometimes you need to be very very very direct.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
In reply to: tunatartar
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 10:48am
This guy is cheap and selfish and arrogant. Do you want to spend the rest of your life, trying to get a mate to straighten his act?

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