Sex too soon?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
Sex too soon?
9
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:14am
I met this guy Superbowl Sunday & we hung out that night together, he met me & friends out another night, cooked dinner at my place & went to dinner Saturday night which is when we had sex. He even called me yesterday to say he had a wonderful time with me. I felt comfortable enough with him to have sex b/c we have talked so much about so many things & I've had a great time with him & there is great chemistry there but I really want to play my cards right with him b/c I do like him & would like to continue seeing him. Do you think this was too soon?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: i_dsgn
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:29am

If you are both mutually into eachother and it's "meant to be," I really don't think there's any such thing as "too soon."

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: i_dsgn
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 9:48am
Before we had sex I told him that at this point in my life I'm not interested in casual sex & that I have only ever had sex with boyfriends except for a casual experience I had & didn't like. I asked him what he wanted & He said he respected how I felt & he was not looking for sex from me. But then it happened b/c It felt right & I wanted him as much as he watnted me. LOL
I'm not seeing anyone else & I would like to continue seeing him but at the same time I do want to continue the conversation but I don't want it to seem like I'm backing him in a corner for a "what is this" question. Any suggestions on how to handle that?
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
In reply to: i_dsgn
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 11:27am
Well, see how things pan out over the next couple of days.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: i_dsgn
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:23pm

For me, personally, yes, it would be too soon. If I'm looking for a serious r'ship, it works best for me to get to know someone for a couple months before I have sex with him, because having sex makes me get emotionally attached and my judgment gets clouded (i.e., by the time I start to see things about him I'm not crazy about, I'm too far gone to get out).

And I would also want to have a MUCH more complete discussion before sleeping together about what we are each looking for and whether we are going to be exclusive and monogamous than the conversation you described. I don't think he really told you anything meaningful, from what you posted about.

But OTOH, I married a man I slept with on the night we met ;-). So if it's meant to be, it'll work out regardless of when you sleep together...but it's not behavior I would advise or want to repeat at this point in my life.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: i_dsgn
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 12:46pm
I'm just going to wait for him to call me again & if he asks me out I am definitly going to wait to bring it up to him face to face. If he doesn't then I'll have the talk over the phone.
I don't feel bad about sleeping with him. I think it's more that I didn't get enough explanation of what he was looking for before I did. It's not like I slept with him the first night we were together. I mean I've been to his house, he made me dinner at mine, we've been out drinking twice together & then he took me to dinner on Saturday night. We've had many good conversations on the phone about his family, mine, friends, the past...our lives pretty much. I met him 6 weeks ago & I felt Saturday was the night to do it & it felt right for me. I just want to make sure before I go any further that he & I are moving in the same direction.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-12-2005
In reply to: i_dsgn
Mon, 03-20-2006 - 7:13pm

Girl, you don't need to explain your behavior or your actions, you're a grown gal.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-01-2006
In reply to: i_dsgn
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 3:43am

There is no right or wrong way when it comes to sleeping with someone too soon, you have to do whats right for both of you. I slept with my boyfriend on the first night and 9 months later, we are still together. I did worry that he would look upon me as someone "not worthy" of a relationship as I slept with him so soon but we had a chat the next day and luckily he didnt judge me as he wanted to sleep with me too so we both acted like consenting adults who wanted to have a great time together. We decided we would like to spend more time together and both stated we were going to be exclusive and gradually we became boyfriend and girlfriend and we both have no regrets whatsoever about sleeping together so soon.

Your best bet is to just go with the flow and see what happens. Hopefully you will get some kind of idea of what he thinks your relationship is. If you never go out and he always seems to be going to yours or you to his and its mainly about the sex, ask him if you are just a FWB. If he dates you and you feel like you are heading somewhere, then great. The fact he called the next day is a great indication that he still thinks enough of you to stay in contact so see what he next suggests you both do together and go from there.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: i_dsgn
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:05am
thank you so much. I don't feel so worried or bad after reading the last two posts. I gave it more thought & realized that I met this guy 6 weeks ago so it's not like it happened on on the first date. He was at my house 2 weeks ago cooking me dinner & nothing happened except kissing so I'm secure with myself & whatever happens. He did call the next day so that is a good sign. I'm definitly not going to fall into the trap of him coming to hang out at my place or vice versa. I don't know what the future holds but I would like to continue dating him & getting to know him.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: i_dsgn
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 10:11am

Just to clarify, I want to make clear that I have no moral/ethical issue with having sex early on...anything goes between consenting adults so far as I'm concerned. For me, it's *completely* about what happens to my ability to be objective in evaluating a guy's behavior...it *totally* goes out the window once we start having sex, and I end up staying too long in bad relationships because I didn't wait.

That's all I was trying to say.

Sheri