I've been hit in the face by a sledge.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2004
I've been hit in the face by a sledge.
5
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 8:48pm

Hello.
I am not really new to this site, I've just never posted a message before but I feel like the world is liquifying around my feet and I could really use some advice!

I have been dating this guy (my first serious boyfriend) for about seven months and things seemed to be moving along swimmingly. We click so well and really feed off each others personalities. The only thing I have a problem with is his excessive drinking and partying. I understand that he's 21 and want's to live up his youth, but in the end he always drinks to the point where he passes out or does something very stupid, like kick in car windows or something. The other night we were at a nightclub downtown watching a great concert and having a really good time and I decided to stand at the front of the stage which he doesn't really like to do. We kind of lost each other in the crowd but I figured I would find him later. Two hours later I still hadn't seen him anywhere so I decided to go looking for him. I didn't find him but I did find his friend who said my boyfriend had been punched in the face and thrown out of the bar. So we all left the club and saw him standing outside by the hotdog vendor looking absolutely misrable with a bleeding lip. I grabbed some napkins from the hot dog guy to try to clean his face but he was drunk and angry that his pride had been bruised so he gave me the finger. I brushed this off as I thought he just needed some alone time and he had never done that to me before. I walked about a block ahead of him to keep out of his way and when we got to the bus stop he ran up behind me and slapped me on the back and told me I was a bitch for leaving him alone. So of course I started to cry and he got mad, and Its been two days and I have barely said anything to him. But he says he's really sorry and that if he didn't love me he would have taken the easy way out and just never called again.

I know I care about him, but I feel as though he just betrayed something in me. Really, the only reason I'm posting this is to see how other people would handle it, or what advice anyone might have for me to help me make up my mind about how I feel towards him.
Thanks to anyone who just hung in there long enough to read all of this...I did start to rant, didn't I....

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Tue, 03-21-2006 - 10:10pm
I would run away from this relationship. This guy is abusive. And don't make excuses for him because he was drunk. Today he is a 21 year old kid who parties a bit too much. Tomorrow, he'll be an abusive alcoholic. They say the way a person acts when he's drunk is the "real" him or her. There is a lot of truth in that theory. Because when they are drunk, their walls are down and they are operating on "auto pilot". So, this guy is really an abuser. He's also very immature. He doesn't know how to hold his liquor. He acts out when he goes out and when he's upset, he takes it out on you. That's how the abusive pattern starts, a slap or a tug on the arm, maybe even a tackle. When he finds he can get away with it (that you'll forgive him and take him back), he does something bigger next time. Then before you know it, you're a battered gf or wife. Get out of this r-ship now! He is just not worth it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 7:46am

This guy sounds like he has some anger management issues.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 11:03am

I'm so sorry you have to experience this in your first serious relationship, but this guy is just plain trouble. Drinking excessively often is bad enough, but the way he acts while intoxicated is scary. Today, it's breaking car windows, bar fights, and slapping you on the back. Tomorrow, it will be seriously hurting you, and other people, and property, and jail. He needs help for his drinking and his anger issues, but he has to seek this out on his own. Tell him that, but don't agree to see him again until he is well into recovery.

I'm speaking from dreadful experience, so please believe me. My brother is a middle-aged alcoholic and drug addict with huge anger issues. He is in and out of jail, and is a complete, sorry, suicidal mess. He started drinking young, got into the same kind of trouble as your BF, got sober for 20 years, and then fell off the wagon a few years ago. Picture your BF in jail, or completely devastated because he seriously hurt someone while drunk. Picture the years of grief you have ahead of you if you stay with an abusive alcoholic. Then make a decision.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 03-22-2006 - 2:30pm

I will make this short and to the point.

You are dating a violent alcoholic who is physically abusive toward you. You can either terminate this relationship or possibly die. Most likely his treatment of you will get worse rather than better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2004
Thu, 03-23-2006 - 9:04am

Go pass go and do not collect $200.00. This guy is one big red flag. I was in an abusive relationship for 2 years. I thought drinking was the problem. Well, after shattered teeth, etc. I relocated to another state to get away from him. Save yourself the heart ache. Leave him.

The Unicorn