Does age matter?
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Does age matter?
| Sat, 04-01-2006 - 3:48pm |
I am 26 and I am dating a man who is 39. We are very much in love. He has no children and has never been married. He does want to get married and have a family, but he is afraid to move forward with our relationship because he believes that due to our age difference we have different perspectives on life and that will prevent our relationship from being successful long term. I want to marry him, and I think we could have a wonderful life together. Can a marriage be successful with an age difference such as ours?

Hi nj_girl!
I am also a girl in her twenties dating a much older man. I understand your feelings. I think the key to dating someone of a different generation than you is all about being on the same wave-length as that person. And that is tricky because our age group is split pretty evenly between those ready to settle down and those still planning the next kegger party.
I was on this site about 6 months ago asking the same thing and I got some great advice. It all rests on your shared interests and values. And I have come to learn that being younger and dating someone significantly older gives an interesting balance to our relationship. So I think a lasting marriage is completely possible.
But in order to protect your heart you need to make sure you guys are in-sync on many issues that could come up in your marriage. What do you see in your future?
He may be in a stable career and you may be still trying to find your niche. Is he going to respect your need to be a free-spirit until you find yourself? Is he interested in having kids? And are you ready for that yet?
Be optimistic, but not naive.
nj_girl...
Either the coffee hasn't "kicked in yet" or Pianoguy has missed something?
Unless the 2 of you are ON THE SAME PAGE when it comes to marriage...it's not a good idea to pick out your wedding dress right away?
Your b/f has somehow managed to stay single and is about to reach the age of 40! You, on the other hand, are at an age when most women would like to be married and possibly "working on a rugrat or two?"
I think you both need to take an honest look at each other's "perspectives" (your term) and then ask yourselves if there REALLY IS A SOLID LONG-TERM FUTURE in the cards for you....as a couple?
Pianoguy
Thanks, I appreciate that you took the time to reply. I am fairly mature for my age, I am not (and never have been) interested in "partying" (for lack of a better term). I am at a point in my life where I feel it's time to settle down. The man I am dating is a "young" 39, he does not look like he is almost 40, he's active and takes good care of himself, and has a youthful sense of humor. His main concern is not that I am immature or too young, but that I am inexperienced. Do you have any thoughts on that?
Thanks!
NJ Girl
I understand. Chances are you would not be attracted to him if he didn't have a youthful disposition. There is a huge difference between us twenty-twenty-somethings getting along with a 40ish person who is open to change than one that is set in their ways.
I don't really know what you mean by inexperienced.
In what way?
NJ_Girl,
OK let me explain two situations to you that just happened with my ex-fiance of 6 years. Now we were pretty much of decent age; I was 24 when we met back in 1998 and he was 30. We separated in 2004, and the reasoning was because he had found " young love" in a 21 year old and now he's 36 years old. She had one child and no highschool diploma or anything that she could offer him, not even to a decent conversation... only some booty....(plainly speaking) He stayed with this girl inspite of his own true feelings and the feelings of his family, whom is all very close to. He jumped through hoops for this chick and noone could understand why; well, he said that she brought his youthfulness back in his life...he has a phobia of growing old. At any rate, that didn't last, because they were on two different levels; he already had 3 children from a previous marriage of 10 years and this young 21 year old was still running around even though she was a mommy. He left her or better yet, she left him because his family didn't agree with that situation.
He tried to come back to me, but damage was already done here and I knew our relationship was done and over....So, he meets another young girl, 25 with 2 children. He met her one week and the next week moved her in his apartment. Now, 3 mos later, they are expecting a baby. So she will have 3 children and he already has 3. She is not a family oriented person and has had altercations with everyone in his family with whom he associates, so he is not able to go around his family now because she's not welcomed.
I give you my examples to say this to you: If you are indeed mature about yours and have something to offer him, then hopefully it will work out for you. When you're in love and loving someone, nothing matters but that, age included. Experience will come in time, because you are still growing as a young woman and the question here is whether or not he will be there beside you taking the necessary steps to guide you along the way.
I wish you the best*