Mystified by his hot & cold behaviour

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2003
Mystified by his hot & cold behaviour
2
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 7:42pm

Hi everyone,

OK here's the deal. A guy I like alot contacted me on an online dating site in Feb. We have chatted and emailed quite a bit online, since then. When he went on vacation to Norway, he sent me a postcard and chatted to me online from there. We have been getting on very well, and seem to be similar types of people. He asked me out for dinner and I said yes, so he is making the 2 hour journey to come to my town to meet me for the first time.

Now my confusion is this: Over the last couple of weeks, I haven't seen him online as much as before. And we haven't had the chance to chat as much as we used to - which was sometimes for an hour or two, each time. Now, when I do chat to him online, he only sticks around for 20 mins. However, he has been emailing and sending me text messages on my mobile phone.

I am just wondering why the online chats have gotten less frequent. At first I assumed he had lost interest, until he told me he'd bought his train ticket to come and visit me. If he wasn't interested, he wouldn't bother to visit, right?

A possible theory is that, now he feels he has gotten me to agree to a date, he doesn't have to try so hard to "get" me. Or perhaps, he is just not sure how he feels about me, yet? Or, maybe he is just not an "online chatty" sort of person - the same way alot of guys aren't good with phone conversations? He did say a few times, he finds it easier, talking face to face.

I do worry that something is wrong, since he hasn't talked to me as much as he used to. However, he has also been taking on extra work, renovating a building, recently, so it could simply be that he is too tired to go online?

I know this is a relatively minor thing, however, I am just wondering what's up? I haven't mentioned this to him, as I don't want to give him the impression I'm nagging him to talk to me more, at this early stage.

Does anyone have any thoughts or theories on this? I feel like I am wondering and guessing here...

Thanks ;o)

~Cherise

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-04-2006 - 8:17pm

I personally do not like to chat much with someone before meeting (because it gives you a false sense of knowing the person that can be very misleading...I prefer to get to know someone in person), so once we've decided to meet, I keep the phone calls/chat/emails/whatever to a minimum.

Go on the date and see how you hit it off in person...then go from there. I wouldn't give this another thought.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 1:43pm

He bought a train tix, text messages you, still chats for 20 minutes at a clip, etc. That's not a lack of interest. However you can ask him casually if he has less free time to chat now that he has extrawork - i.e. renovating the bldg


But as you know, until the two o fyou actually spend quality time together, it is impossible to really gage how much potential you have as a couple. You're in infatuation stage.

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