I'm 20, he's 32

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
I'm 20, he's 32
6
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 10:34am

It's kinda funny. We usually judge people and happen to be "over-opinioned" on topics that are a bit tacky. But when it happens to us, we are unsure and doubting our own opinions..and ask ourselfs is that really our opinion or we just learned it from someone else.

I'm 20 and he is 32. We know each other briefly, and I think he likes me.. :) The thing is..I like him a lot..

Does age matter? Probably yes, but I am quite mature for my age (I know everybody says that in their young adulthood but I really am, and I don't find satisfaction in lalalala relationships with freinds or men..wich is quite tipical for my generation. That doesn't mean that I want to get married or start a family some time soon - god bless no - but I like long, deep relationships in which I can give AND take and feel steady)..

My question is - is age gap really always a problem or a 12 year distance in some cases may be just right? I really think that I could be happy with him, and I never think of people through their age, culture or else, but for what they are..but is it just me being young and naive and thinking that I can do that?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 11:42am

larpurlartisme_girl...

Pianoguy is absolutely certain there's a "history" behind your ivillage user name? But since there's no profile on you....he'll start another paragraph instead!

A 12 year age difference between a man and a woman can be good or bad...depending upon whether you can ignore the comments and 'raised eyebrows' you'll definitely receive from family, co-workers, and friends! You didn't indicate if the 32 year old man had been previously married...or seriously involved with somebody else? And if there WAS a divorce or separation, you might want to ask him: "why things didn't work out?"

WARNING! If this is your 1st SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP...you might want to proceed with a little extra caution? Simply because if the relationship between you doesn't work out...you MIGHT have difficulty trusting others who are considerably older than you (in the future)? Shaking off any negative impression that's formed inside your head can be difficult for a lot of women to do?

Good Luck!

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-05-2006
Wed, 04-05-2006 - 2:35pm

Hahah..no, there's no history behind my username, my name is Theo, and "lartpurlartisme" is one of my favourite concepts..so I used it instead of the real name that I usually use.

No, it wouldn't be my first serious relationship since i've broken up (actually he broke up with me) with my ex (who was 5 years older) after 3 years in November..it was a real Bang Bang my baby shot me down to me..I am recovering, cannot say that I am great all the time, but, I improved a lot..and I think that I am ready for a new start, without getting caught in the trap called "getting in a new relationship to mend a broken heart"..

I am aware of the "eyebrow" thing, I had that even with my ex (I was 16 and a half when we started dating, he allways called me Kiddo but that was just for a joke..his friends were actually very shocked when they met the real me after, and were always saying how "or girls are more mature than boys, or I am just a special piece of art" - how I wrote it seams that I am quite egoisting, I ain't, that was just a quote). Now thinking about that, I probably have a problem with short flings beacause I experienced such a great, long, real deal realationship with my ex..if I pretend that I can forget how it ended..but I know that people are not all the same, and if you got wounds from one boyf, it doesn't necesarily mean that you'll get them from the other one too..

Anyways, thanx for your reply!:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 1:32pm

You are right, it depends on the couple as to how big a deterrent a large age gap can be. However, there is a big difference between 30 and 42, say, and 20 and 32 in terms of life experience, experience with relationships, etc.,that might be something to keep in mind.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Thu, 04-06-2006 - 9:10pm

I don't think there's anything "wrong" with it, per se ... if it works it works.

And yes, you do sound mature for your age (more so than some highly 'confused' women who are 10+ yrs older than you.

I would, however, proceed cautiously and be well-tuned into his motives and know what he's looking for in a relationship, too. As you said, you're not looking to get married or start a family anytime soon (good for you! Smart!) ... but, what about him?

I, too, would be curious to know what his relationship history is like.

A young woman, such as yourself, could find quite a bit of comfort, maturity, etc in an older man ... particularly if you often feel like you're not on the same page as your peers.

But, and please don't take this the wrong way ... I kind of question what his motives are ... at 32 ... in choosing a 20-y/o rather than someone closer to his age ... who would have more life experience, at this point.

You see, he has more to offer (I'd hope) in terms of life and relationship experience that HE could possibly bring to the table. Again, this isn't a slam on you ... it's just a result of being 20.

I'd just be sure to get some answers from him up front on what he's looking for ... because, what you don't want is a player ... at any age! And you don't want to set yourself up with a guy who may just want to prey on a younger woman's inexperience. Because there is a big difference on those 12 years between 20 and 32 ... and say, 30 and 42. The age gap closes as we get older (ie, my BF is 9 yrs older than me ... but, I'm 36 ... it doesn't matter so much at this point)

Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2006
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 3:30pm

Hopefully this will help coming from a mature-for-my-age 21-year old comrade (we're few and far between, aren't we?? :) ).

Anyway, joking aside, I think it's fine. Obviously it depends on the situation and DEFINITELY depends on the guy, but one of my good guy friends is 31 and I relate to him better than a lot of my guy friends that are my own age. Granted dating and/or a relationship is a very different story, but I think it could work if, as in any case, the situation and timing is right. Good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2005
Sat, 04-08-2006 - 9:18pm
I have a wonderful boyfriend of 2 years.. Im 22 he's 32... I love him to death... When we met i saw a great guy.. He saw a great woman and mother.. He has never been married or has any kids of his own... I have a 20 month old little boy.. Iv never been married. My sons daddy is not in the picture. Kevin has been with us since skylar was one month old. I think that me and him connected so well because we wanted the same thing a family... That's what makes it work you both want the same thing. I don't think age makes a whole lot of a diffence.. He might be a little bit more expericed but that could be a good thing..lol... Hope this helps.. Oh about other people and what they might say.. Not to many people around me said anything negative about the age diffence.. Now we just all joke about it. But like you i am a little more mature for my age.. Just follow your heart