scared to death

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
scared to death
2
Wed, 04-12-2006 - 4:31pm
I recently got out of a really bad long term relationship. Now, I have started seeing one of my best friends. He and I have always been sort of flirting friends. We both care a great deal about each other. However, he is known for his lack of commitment and player ways. So, we had a discussion about what was going on between us. He told me that he loved that I didn't pressure him or try to make him feel obligated. I told him that it was because if this were to go anywhere, I would want it to be because he genuinely wants to be with me, not because I pressured him into it. However, even though there is no exclusivity, he sends me mixed signals about his seriousness. He has opened up deeper to me since we started seeing each other and has told me stories that are more like deep dark secrets. He talks about his plans for his future with me and says if we were to get together he would want us both to have ourselves together. However, then he will go days without calling or seem really casual about things. We haven't slept together yet and he has not pressured me at all to do so. He had a long talk with my sister about how he could "see himself with me" and that if he were to sleep with me he "wouldn't want it to be casual", but at the same time he makes no move towards conversation about developing things further than what they are except ellusive talks of the future. I have also heard him refer to me as his girlfriend at some moments and as his friend at others. He also has told me he loves me a couple of times since we started seeeing each other, but that could be in a platonic way. It's not that I want to rush him. It's just that I am scared of getting hurt. I care a great deal for him and really don't want anything to come between us. I guess I am looking on advice on how to proceed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-13-2006 - 11:21am

heartsoblivion...

Pianoguy thinks a man and a woman should be completely comfortable WITH THEIR FRIENDSHIP TOGETHER before speculating about taking another step forward.

It's all well and good this man is sharing his future desires with you (and your sister), but what's the RUSH? Is your primary objective to just "sleep with the man?" Or would you like to get comfortable with him on ALL LEVELS....including the days when his mood swings will scare the hell out of you?

Look!

You've been through one "bad long term relationship" already----so why not proceed with caution on this one? The more time you take...the greater the comfort zone will increase between the 2 of you! But here's the MOST IMPORTANT THING:

Do NOT compare your past with the present....because if you do...."history will probably repeat itself?"

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Sat, 04-15-2006 - 11:11am
He and I are very comfortable with our friendship. He is one of my best friends and I have known him for quite some time. I guess my main fear is that our frienship will be ruined. I have developed very serious feelings for him and from what he says he harbours some pretty serious feelings for me. It's just that he doesn't seem to know what he wants and I am afraid of putting my heart into something only to have it smashed because he figures out that maybe I am not what he wants in the end. I guess you are right. I am kind of rushing and I am not sure why. Perhaps it is my own insecurities that are making me feel like I have to have all of the answers right now. Maybe it's that this is the first relationship I am tackling post-high school (my ex and I were together from 10th grade on and I am 23 now) and am not familiar with the process of dating in a world where it's not always as cut and dry as "we're going out" or not. All I know is I don't want to mess this up. I see so much potential in this and I want to do things right this time because I would be thrilled and lucky to end up with this man.