Am I overanalyzing?

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2005
Am I overanalyzing?
3
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 6:14pm
hello, I have been dating a guy for a few months now. I met him via an internet dating site. We talked for about two months straight and then finally decided to meet each other. We hit it off right away, and have been ever since. We have lots in common, and enjoy each others company. He has even told me some of his most personal secrets about his life.
My concern is that he still visits this internet site. Though I too am at fault for asking my friend to check and see if he goes on, but he still does it! His profile reads looking to hang out; but then again, it says that on other people's accounts and they are looking for a girlfriend. He also keeps his status as single still. One of my friend's said that it was an ego boost for guys to continually get emails for girls, but how is this right in the first place? I'm not too concerned, and I'm not looking for marriage out of this relationship yet, but it still concerns me because I have been cheated on before. What should I do about this?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 6:25pm
Ask for exclusivity in your relationship which includes removing all profiles from dating sites. Until you come to that mutual agreement, then he is doing NOTHING wrong.
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 6:44pm

I agree with Spiceman...unless and until you've agreed to exclusivity and defined exactly what that means, he isn't doing anything out of line.

Have you discussed exclusivity at all? What was said and agreed?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-31-2003
Tue, 04-18-2006 - 11:18pm

I agree with Spiceman and Sheri. He isn't "cheating" until and unless you both agree you're a couple and you're not dating other people. And that agreement would include that you both take your profiles down off the dating sites. Since you're the one concerned, looks like you'll have to be the one to raise the exclusivity question.

Tell him you've enjoyed being with him these past few months and you're not interested in dating other men... that you'd be comfortable going it one-on-one, at this point. Ask him how he feels about that. If he says he's not dating anyone else, that's when you casually ask him whether his profiles are still active. If you ask it that way, there's no need to "confront" him with the news that you already know he's been looking around online recently.

But I don't think there's anything wrong with checking the sites out to see if he's still active. Internet dating sites are public, after all. If you "catch" him browsing again, I think that's a bad sign that this guy isn't honest or ready to settle down with you.

Good luck.