Advice on the new guy please

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Advice on the new guy please
4
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:23am

I have begun seeing someone new who is nice, successful, educated, etc. Generally we seem to be compatible.

However he travels ALOT, is from England, and his work pretty much dictates his life. Now, we have had a good time around eachother and for the past few weeks have been just getting to know eachother. Tonight he leaves to go back to England for a bit so we hung out for a short time last night. We have been spending a lot of time together actually .

Im a little confused for two reasons: (1) He said he would inevitably hurt me because of the way his work life is , (2) He cant define what we are and doesn't want to break up (although we aren't formerly together), (3) kept saying any further and I would get hurt, (4) he knows he could get me to fall in love with him.

I dont get this at all, especially because I am surprised that I feel actually a little sad - it seemed like he was nervous and trying to have a relationship discussion but couldn't get to a point within the conversation. We both went home last night and haven't spoken, texted, or emailed since. THe night ended fine but I felt weird on my drive home and feel weird now.

Part of me thinks this is a blessing in disguise because we have different cultural/religous backgrounds and things could definately get very complicated. But part of me is sad because I guess I was just beginning to realize I do like him.

Am I missing something? Am I right? This was a "break-it-off" talk, right? Then why not just say that.

Any comments would be appreciated thanks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 11:47am

isadimple...

Pianoguy doesn't know your friend personally....but the responses you've gotten definitely compute!!!

The "man from England" can...and probably does...have deep feelings for you? However, because of a prior relationship (or two) that went sour...isn't going to totally commit himself to any woman. It's also possible that the amount of travel that he does prevents him from getting serious with anybody. Of course, he could take you with him or arrange for a "rendevous point" if he wanted to!

The 3rd possibility...and I'm sure you won't like this...is that he's presently involved with (or married to) someone else??? And you're nothing more than a pleasant diversion whenever he's away from home?

Consider this...

If someone you've been seeing for quite awhile makes up reasons NOT to get serious...why bother trying to keep that relationship going? The 'desired result' probably will never happen?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2004
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 12:25pm

I dont want to get into too many details, but I am pretty sure he is not married or involved with anyone.

Since I posted before he has been emailing me. He knows about my past train wreck of a relationship and says he thinks of me as "still recovering" and takes a certain responsibility to not do anything to hurt me further right now. However what gets me is that is MY risk to take in getting to know someone and I cant shake the feeling that this is his passive/aggressive way of bowing away.

So passive that I have no idea how even to respond to his email because he is calling me sweet, etc. If he wants to make a status, why make it up to me to define the "between the lines" feeling I am getting from him???

Truth be told, Im kind of glad he is leaving now. grrrrr. the pull back, push in aspect of this stuff BLOWS!]

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 04-19-2006 - 12:36pm

Hmmm...no, I wouldn't take that as a "break it off" talk...I would take that as a "if you continue to see me, you do so at your own risk, with fair warning" talk.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-25-2003
Fri, 04-21-2006 - 4:30am
I absolutely agree with Sheri on this one.