third date overnight?
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third date overnight?
| Thu, 04-20-2006 - 6:09pm |
I met this guy we have gone out on three dates. Is it too early to sleep with him? We both want to. I just do not know if I feel comfortable with it. I know when we get some alone time that we will. It only the fact that I barely know him.

For me, yes it would be. But it's such a personal decision...we each need to decide what we are comfortable with, based on our own values and self-knowledge.
The reason it would be too soon for me is that I get emotionally attached once I start sleeping with a guy, and I tend to suspend good judgment. So, if I sleep with someone I don't know well (and after just 3 dates, it's not possible to know someone well, IMO), then once I *do* get to know him, and some bad things about him start coming out, I overlook or rationalize the bad things because I'm already in over my head. If I wait to have sex OTOH, then I can more easily be objective about the guy and cut him loose if and when the bad things start to come out. Also, honesty and trustworthiness are major issues with me...and I need time to evaluate the consistency between what a guy says and what he does...3 dates isn't nearly enough time to get a good picture of that.
So...I personally would recommend waiting until you feel you know him a little better. But you need to do what makes you comfortable.
Sheri
<< It only the fact that I barely know him.>>
If you didn't have any reservations/hesitations, you wouldn't be asking, right? In which case, I'd say ...yes, it's too early.
<< I know when we get some alone time that we will. >>
What do you mean by "alone time"? Are you saying that your dates haven't been just the two of you (ie, in a group or with other people?) ... if that's the case, then ... yes, it's most certainly too early ... as that would mean he hasn't taken you on a proper date.
<< Is it too early to sleep with him? We both want to. I just do not know if I feel comfortable with it. >>
Well sure, you WANT to ... you're attracted to each other. But, if you just don't know if you feel comfortable with it ... then, you're not comfortable with it. Period.
Advice: wait until you know that he likes YOU FOR YOU ... and doesn't just want to sleep with you. Wait until you've got a better idea of who he is. If that takes two months, fine. If he likes you and wants a relationship ... wants to be with you ... then, he won't have a problem with waiting a little while. Patience is a virtue, right?
That said, what you dont' want to do is lead him on in any way or give him reason to believe that 'tonight's the night' ... if you want to wait, be upfront about it ... if things seem to be progressing in that direction ... there's nothing wrong with saying "I like to know a guy a little better before sleeping together ... it's not that I don't want to ... I just want to feel comfortable with it."
If he can't respect that ... then, he's not relationship material. And, if you want a relationship with him and don't want to have sex outside of being exclusive with him ... then, wait until you've decided that you guys aren't seeing anybody else and that you know him well enough to know that you don't want to date anybody else. Don't put all your eggs in his basket yet, it's only been 3 dates.
Good luck!
Edited 4/21/2006 9:57 am ET by missybee837