Not sure what to do next......

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Not sure what to do next......
4
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 10:51am
OK, this is probably going to seem really silly to a lot of you, but it's got me puzzled. I met "Steve" through an on-line dating site towards the end of January. We went through all of the "levels" of communication without a problem and in February started exchanging e-mails, which then progressed to phone calls. Everything was going fine, and we were either talking or e-mailing a couple of times a week. Finally, a little over a week ago, we got together for our first date. We live about an hour away from each other, so we met for a late lunch at a place halfway between us. It was great, we sat and talked for almost 3 hours. As we were saying goodbye, he gives me a great big hug, a quick kiss on the lips, and says that he had a great time and we'll have to do it again and he'll call me. I didn't expect a call right away, but after the standard 3-day waiting period, I still hadn't heard from him, so I called him. I got his V/M, which isn't unusual. I just said that I had a great time and hoped his week was going well and I hoped we could get together again soon. I got no response. A couple of days later, as I was leaving work, I saw him on-line and sent him a smiley face IM. That's it, just a smiley face. And I left and went home about 15 mins later without getting a response. The next day when I got to work (I don't have a computer at home right now), I see that he had replied to my IM, saying (almost direct quote): "I suck. This week has been a b**** and has made me anti-social and anti-communication. I apologize. Things are bound to calm down soon and I will get in touch. For now, please accept my apologies." And that's the last I've heard from him, and I haven't tried to contact him at all. I know, it was only Thursday that he told me that and I really should just be more patient, but I really like this guy and I don't know what to do at this point. One of the things we talked about on our date was the games that people play when they're dating and how crazy it all is and how we both hate playing games (and for the record, he brought that up, not me), but now I feel like I'm in the middle of a giant game. This is so silly, I'm 30 years old and I feel stupid freaking out like this. Can anyone help? Sorry this is so long for such a silly reason, but I don't know what to do.
Alllison Mommy to Eleanor, born 05/11/10 Blighted ovum 08/25/11 Due with #2 09/05/12
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 12:05pm

Move on. A guy who was really interested wouldn't have let so much time go by without contacting you. He responded to your IM because he doesn't want to be the "bad guy" but his interest level in you isn't high enough right now to make a 2nd date happen.

That *could* change but I wouldn't count on it. Definitely keep meeting and dating others. If he calls, great but if not, oh well.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 3:04pm

You met online at the end of January but you just recently met for lunch ... months later? I'm sorry, but his motivation level to date and meet new people isn't very high. I'm not that experienced with online dating, but ... I wouldn't recommend carrying on with phone conversations or email with someone for more than a week or two ... if they don't want to get together and meet, you can be assured that they're either a) one of those perpetually busy types who doesn't really have time to date ... but, will fit you in in a month or so (lol) ... or b) just isn't that motivated to date ... which isn't going to get them or you anywhere close to a relationship.

My vote: move on. Keep your prospects open online and otherwise ... perhaps focus on men who live closer to you ... and who WANT to meet you in a timely way. I think the red flag here is that it took several months for you guys to meet in person. He's not motivated ... and though you may like him, you'll likely end up just waiting around for him.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-13-2005
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 4:00pm
Actually, there's a reason why it took so long for us to meet. We met through e-harmony, which requires you to go through several stages of introduction before even exchanging e-mails. We did our first e-mail exchange at the end of February. After that, I went on vacation for over a week and came back horribly sick with bronchitis, so I couldn't get together with anyone, let alone a first date with someone. I was also in the process of switching jobs and was extremely stressed out at the time. He also got sick (there was a really nasty upper resp. virus going around down here) and was out of commission for a while, then he had family in town visiting. Once everything was said and done, it was April before either of could even realistically think about meeting. So, it's not all his fault that it took us so long to meet. I do really like him and we have a lot in common. I don't want to pressure him, but at the same time...........
Alllison Mommy to Eleanor, born 05/11/10 Blighted ovum 08/25/11 Due with #2 09/05/12
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 4:07pm
This guy is playing games with you. Sounds like he might be married or involved. If he was really interested and sincere, he would have gotten in touch with you after your date. He was emailing you before, and then he all of a sudden he's MIA!? Don't play into his games, and don't take his calls or emails. Life is too short to spend it on someone not worth your time. Don't you deserve to be treated better?