What is this????

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
What is this????
7
Mon, 04-24-2006 - 3:59pm
For the past few months I have been going out with this guy on the weekends. We go everywhere from the movies, dinner to comedy clubs. We get along well, and have decent conversations. My problem is that I can't read him. I mean he has never made a move or said anything. Something tells me that he wants to, but I'm not sure. He really doesn't open up and talk about himself at all. I was able to pull it out of him that he does not have a girlfriend. Even though we have been out quite a few times, I still don't know much about him. I just assume that we are friends. Keep in mind that there is no sex or physical contact of any kind. I think he just wants a friend. I have no problem being a friend, as long as I know the situation. I'm a little confused. When I tried to talk to him about this he clams up. Any ideas on this????
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 7:07am

putitin69...

Do you have a problem with a man 'who just wants to enjoy your company and friendship?' Sure sounds like it.....at least to Pianoguy?

Most men will "open up" when and IF they're ready!

If you need specific answers, go ahead and ask the questions! But if you're enjoying the "stress-free ride" and the companionship....why mess up a good thing?

Pianoguy

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-21-2004
Tue, 04-25-2006 - 9:00pm

<< For the past few months I have been going out with this guy on the weekends. We go everywhere from the movies, dinner to comedy clubs. >>

When you go out, does he offer to pay? If so, then ... that's a date ... albeit, a date without any romance, but ... it's a date. He's treating you. If you're going dutch, he's just being a friend.

If you don't mind just being friends and enjoying his companionship, then ... continue being his friend and eventually, as he feels more comfortable with you, he'll open up. Has he talked about past relationships or anything?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 11:00am

Is he paying? Are you going dutch? Does he comment about how you look, ask about your dating, etc, your romantic goals, etc. Are you sure he's straight? Have you said you do like him and are open to seeing where it might lead if it is romantic but if it's just friendship you're ok with that too? Is that how you feel? You don't necessraily want him to monopolize your time either if there's no chance this will develop into anything and you are starting to develop feelings for him. Are you? I know you said you've no problem being friends.

,
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-10-2004
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 2:53pm
I don't understand the whole situation. He seems to like doing things with me, but I don't know if he wants to be anymore than friends. I'm okay with that as long as I know what's up. We usually take turns paying for things, and sometimes go dutch. I have asked him before if he was involved, and he said he wasn't. Other than that I know nothing about his personal life. He really doesn't talk. I have asked him in the past what was up with us doing things and going places, but he never really answered so I left that alone. Any suggestions? How would you handle this situation?
Avatar for blondie0506
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 5:00pm

The way I would handle it would be to remain 'just friends'.

I need someone who is open about who he is and how he feels.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 4:53am
Hi there. The way you describe the situation, it sounds to me like a friendship. Perhaps it'll turn into something more, perhaps it won't evolve from where it is. Maybe the reason he doesn't respond to your questions about how he feels is because he's not really sure himself about how he feels. If that's the case, personally I'm ok with uncertainty up to a point, but then have to make a decision for myself if the other person can't. Try not to over-think it. If you're honestly enjoying yourself, I would just continue to have fun with this friend but also continue spending time dating other men, that is, if you're ultimately interested in finding a romantic relationship.
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2004
Fri, 04-28-2006 - 9:01am

Let's see after 30 years of trying to get my husband to tell me something, anything... even his favorite color - I would say some people just don't share their thoughts and feelings. Didn't work for me, never had a clue where I stood and one-sided conversations get tiring after a while. This is the one thing that will make me run faster than lightening in a relationship now. If he can open up a little then it is enough for me to stick around and see if we have anything else. If he can't there is no way I can have a one-sided friendship... a pet rock is more company.

Other than moving on, you could ask him directly, "Do you want to be just friends or think that maybe in the future there may be more? If you don't understand, tell him you don't understand what it means. Maybe he doesn't know how he feels or what he wants, but if you could get that from him at least it is something.

Cheryl