Should I be upset?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Should I be upset?
7
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 4:54am

Me and my boyfriend been dating for 6 months when he met a new friend. She would call him almost everyday. He told me that when people get new numbers they tend to call all the time to get to the the person. Its nothing i should be worried about. I didn't like her because I felt she was too friendly with my boyfriend or any guy for that matter when she had a man of her own. One day we were riding home on the train. A magician performed a trick and scared her and her friend. She ended up sitting on my boyfriend. She stayed there for about 5 to 10 minutes. She got scared by the magician trick again and jumped on her friends. When the guy left she went and sat back on his lap. I waited for her to get off. I guess I waited between 2 to 5 minutes. So I pulled her off myself. Later I brought to his attention I was mad about the situation. He told me that she had asthma and she was just resting on him until she caught her breath. And also that she wasn't sitting on his lap but on his knees. He doesn't think I should be that much upset at him. He was trying to be a good friend to her and that its her problem if she acted that way not him. He feels he didn't do anything wrong.

Did he do anything wrong? I'm not sure how I should feel about it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-15-2003
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 10:53am
Well maybe he's innocent but she certainly seems to be doing her utmost to come on to him.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-26-2006
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 1:18pm
He just feels shes just friendly and what happen between them was innocent.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 2:05pm

2 to 5 minutes is a bit long to sit on a guy's lap. Especially since the "scare" was over and the magician was well on his way. I don't buy that asthma story. She could rest just as easily OFF his lap as she could ON his lap.

Just curious... What kind of trick would be that scary? Did he use explosives?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-09-2005
Wed, 04-26-2006 - 4:36pm

You know this story reminds me of what happened to my friend. She had gone to a work-related function with her boyfriend and this co-worker of his kept buying drinks for him. She had waiters bring over the drinks to him and he didn't do anything about it.

He just "let it happen". My friend was really annoyed about it and walked over to her and told her to stop that it was disrespectful. He told her it was harmless and that she was just being silly, but to her it was disrespectful.

She asked me what I thought about it and I told her you know its NOT your place to go and tell her to stop it is HIS. HE should be the one to tell her "stop sending me drinks I am with my girlfriend, please respect her". He should give your place as YOUR girlfriend, I just thought that his excuse was lame. He should be the one to actually get up and go walk over and talk to her, not the girlfriend. Well, as you can imagine, this guy turned all wrong and she broke up with him. But in her eyes this was a total red flag!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2006
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 6:43am
Hi there. I'd focus on what he's doing because he's the one you're spending your time with, not her. If he honestly can't understand or empathize with you in a situation like the one you describe, it might mean more knocking-heads and trouble down the road. Not knowing the situation other than how you described it, it sounds like they might've been flirting with each other. Probably harmless enough for many people, and maybe just an isolated event that really doesn't describe your bf. But if you find yourself feeling this way in his company with other women, you have to decide what you feel comfortable with because, like we all know, we can't change others. I was with someone for quite some time who enjoyed flirting very much. It was simply a large part of his identity and way of interaction with women. In the beginning, I felt it was disrepectful towards me, but grew to understand how it is an enjoyable and really quite innocent way of interaction for many. But not everyone. This difference between us was probably one of the main reasons it didn't work. We each had a very different view on flirting and couldn't see eye-to-eye. Where he would see "harmless" and "fun" I would see "disrespect" and "hurt". I realized how important it was to find someone who could naturally empathize with that particular aspect of me. ...just my 2Cents...
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2005
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 9:57am

Well, it is very disrespectful of YOU for her to sit on his lap.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-24-2004
Thu, 04-27-2006 - 11:50am
Unfortunately, most guys do not put a stop to inappropiate behaviour and uninvited attention from females. Telling their gfs they are "being silly" is a typical response. I've had a similar thing happen to me a few times. If the guy won't put a stop to this unwanted attention, then SOMEONE'S got to do it. I wouldn't sit there all night, while my guy is getting, yet another drink from a female co-worker. Besides, he'd get too drunk and act like a real jerk. LOL!

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